Tuesday, November 22, 2005

ARE YOU GOING TO SCARBOROUGH FAIR (+ BONUS)

I wouldn't - the joint is pretty fucking shit. 'Wow, a Parsley + Sage. What of it vendor, this Parsley + Sage: how much for it'.

The Vendor probably starts signing some harmony at this point, like the shittest sales technique ever. Is he / it unaware of 'subtle suggestive dialogue / NLP techniques guaranteed to GRAB CUSTOMER SATISFACTION?'. I can't abide unprofessionalism. It's like a Disease, on professionalism.

"ARE YOU THE CURE OF IT"

Probably not - more like a vaccine (ie, get some of this into you before it's too late. Afterwards, well, good luck with Life --> in a Hospice).


'Schoolboy Error'

So, what do you think?

I'll be the first to admit that this story contains less Journalism than some others. However it should be noted that I'm being toxically shocked by so many Chemicals at the moment, trace elements all up in the 'water supply', pouring out of vestibules, Ions in the Atmosphere. In fact I've had to Purify my Windmill with a tincture of G. Paltrow + Apple.


'Multi-Purpose'

It's working alright, but she fucking annoys me sometimes. 'My Apple wants to be raised in a loving environment'. I try but I just can't abide Childs of Fruit. This kid could be scarred for life if I'm not careful.

BONUS:

WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS CAT PLAYING OF

I'm in your computer

10 Comments:

Blogger Yubris said...

Due to a severe lack of rosemary and time I'm gonna have to make this short, but I just wanna big up the sagedom of your wiseness - especially concerning the fruit of Gwyneth's labour (or was it a C/C++ Section???) - there's nothing like multiple inheritence to ruin your parse tree (just ask anyone who's used C++ - ha ha suckers!)

5:13 PM  
Blogger Adam said...

I'm just going to wait until the movie comes out.

10:21 PM  
Anonymous fancy said...

There seem to be factual gaps in this story. And logical gaps. Gaps as wide as those in Gwyneth's grill.

Or am I missing something?

5:09 PM  
Anonymous bt said...

Dammit dude, you can't go around hot linking that shit. Where is your internetiquette?

And how come you never post any drawings that you do? You should do a drawing of Gwyneth. Eating an apple.

7:07 PM  
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