Tuesday, October 04, 2005

AIN'T SHIT WORSE THAN A WASTE OF TALENT

You all know how I love Childs and Science like it ain't a thang. Well, I decided to open what so far is the world's most ill Scientific Montessori Kindergarten. It's a place where other people's Childs can just run free, be themselves, benefit from a rigid framework of Activites etc.


'Shut the Fuck Up'

The self-esteem of these Childs is through the roof - it's like they're on drugs. When the Husbands and Wifes (non Gender-Specific Language Pls - Ed) rock up to kidnap them at the end of the day, all they exclaim is 'Jesus Fucking Christ this Montessori Kindergarten fulfils my dreams of a Better Tomorrow, Whoops message on my iPod Nano LOL my Stocks and Bonds have Dropped ---> RRRRRRRRRRRRe-mortgage'.

It's hella satisfying.

What I'm thinking is to up the stakes and run a 'Randomly Comptrolled Double Blind Experiment' on the Childs, to benefit Science.

"FUCK YEAH!"

(MEGA Pause)

"WAIT - IT'S NOT RIGHT TO USE THEM AS SUBJECTS"

Why don't you protest about it in front of a shop like I give a shit? 'Nice sign - Microsoft Word LOL'. Anyway I have entered into a JVA (Joint Venture Agreement) with the Haribo Company, dudes that make Sweets. Everyone knows Childs love Sweets. So I am going to lace that shit with some experimental Chemistry, and watch the money / hypotheses pile up!


'Gummi Bears - Flying here and there and everywhere containing Isotopes of Iridium'

I am so going to blow the Ethics Committee's Minds with this fucking Experiment! 'God Damn IOYC, will you ever stop Surprising us?' --> Back-slapping etc. I have fortified the Windmill b/c of the inevitable backlash from the Religious Right, those clowns will be stepping on Landmines like chumps if they come anywhere near here WILL THE LORD GUIDE THEIR STEPS.

6 Comments:

Blogger thr said...

Ever since they stopped kiddies going into coal mines (even canaries are banned these days [animal rights/canary union]), I have beena bid supporter of kiddies -> childs as scientific experiment subjects. But why just gummie bears etc- why not experiments that will get us to mars? you could have the kids learning all about Mars on the way there- by the time they get there they wil be all grown up and hella knowledgable about Mars. Plus think about the social knowledge (someone say "Lord Of The Flies"?).

thomasr

4:07 PM  
Blogger Yubris said...

Awesome IOYC. Just be sure to Milgram that shit up, aiii.

4:38 PM  
Blogger Adam said...

Can you also conduct Science on Old People and Yappy Small Dogs?!?

2:18 AM  
Blogger 121774 said...

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9:04 PM  
Anonymous Jesus said...

Wow! Nice to see you back MR IOYC.

Of course I knew you would be, because of the omni...something. You know, the one that means I see shit.

Ha! The spammer gets spammed:

http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=14102100&postID=112669038436828212

Is that, like, ironic? Don't you think?

1:51 AM  
Blogger Black Wind, Fire and Steel said...

Dear Yubris

I am so down with the Milgram Experiment! You receive a Journalism Award for being on board with that shit. Perhaps you'd like to put it on your Fireplace --> that shit will just take over your whole Fireplace!

Dear 121774

First up --> Ill name! ARE YOU RELATED OF PERRI 6.

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Kind regards,
IOYC Adipose Tissue

4:31 PM  

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