I'M EVEN SCHOOLING SENIORS
Thanks for your letter of even date. I have processed all the information therein.
Unfortunately I cannot grant you an Employment; no fucking way bro. Remember what happened last time I was your Line Manager - it almost cost me my career.
1. You and Derek Fan sent out a package of documents to our biggest client and marked the envelope 'Dear Cock Blankets'. Upon opening said envelope our biggest client found only 300 copies of a single photocopied sheet reading 'I <3 YOU'. I don't think Fan was behind this - he's a good guy just a little lost in the world. I think you were behind it. I REALLY THINK THAT.
2. A pretty huge deal was going down and I gave you full responsibility for compiling the final piece (of the deal). Upon entering your Office at 11:59 pm with Closure due on the stroke of Midnight I discover you playing Tetris to a very advanced stage. Fair enough I was fucking mesmerised by the sheer speed with which the Tetris shapes descended that screen. They were a blur. It was actually beautiful.
2a. The point is I gave you that responsibility.
2b. You shirked it.
In summary please don't ever try to contact me again however McLimits sends his regards, specifically he wanted me to tell you 'Hey what the fuck's up IOYC!! Shit yeah cuz! Been a while has it fuck!!'.
With Warm Regards,
Stephen R. Chumby
'Plenty to think about'