Wednesday, October 26, 2005

THE MIS-TREE OF LIFE

Storytime pals (!!)

Chapter One

In this Chapter we Open at a Stairway, some dude just sitting on it. It looks like Our Man IOYC --> ie, pretty fucking ill. He is Eating Crisps.

SUDDENLY

HE EATS CRISPS (more)

CUT TO -

INT. A MOTHERFUCKING ROOM


'Check out my Disc - it's on a Rug'

Henri D. Grissino-Mayer (H.D. G-M.). I'll admit, the dude is everywhere these days but it can't be helped if I want to jump on the bandwagon. There's so much fucking room on the bandwagon! It's like a Caravan of Enlightenment.

"OR A CARAVAN OF COURAGE"

Whatever hippy. The speciality of H.D. G-M. is Dendrochronology, which is some shit to do with trees. If you asked him, 'Hey - hi. Look I don't have all day HOW OLD IS THIS FUCKING TREE!!' he wouldn't even bat an eyelid at you. He'd just chop it down and answer straight away in a monotone, a child-like grin on his face. And his answer would be accurate to the minute. You could set your watch by it if you wanted, or just check out your surroundings. Other shitter Dendochronologists would take weeks in a lab to come up with some fucked up answer that is just plain wrong. It's such a rotten Science, perverted by in-fighting and a 'culture of fear'.

I've been so inspired by H.D. G-M. I think I might put a statue of him next to my bed. There isn't any room but fuck that - I'll make room --> So Long, Furniture!

15 Comments:

Blogger Yubris said...

Good too see you're 'arbouring good will towards H.D. - or as he is known in the Dendro circles - Lord of the Rings - I believe ent-omology is his other forte.

He's gonna rue the day he has kids and little Grissini-Mayer are running around the place - then we'll have to wrap the fuckers in prosciutto. Word.

4:42 PM  
Blogger Lucy Tartan said...

Which bandwagon did you have in mind, o ioyc?

5:55 PM  
Blogger Adam said...

I full on, hardcore panicked when I thought the crisps might be sent West, but it all worked out in the end. Phew!

6:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi - I trained in judo and karate for many years. I was looking for blogs having to do with judo and came across yours. Nice blog. I have my own have my own mixed style school now that offers most of the traditional judo techniques. Come have a look at it if you want.

6:42 PM  
Blogger Yubris said...

Worry not Adam - I can assure you the ubiquitous Henri has good connections with various chip lobby groups. Mmm, nothing tastes quite like a bicentennial old-growth potato.

Oh, and anon - if you're not careful, Humperdinck is gonna serve you up a piece of hot Thai quando, quando, quando. You want me to tell you when?

6:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dead that Anon of Judo! Dead him of Judo for his teaching people of banned Judoness! Some people just never learn.

9:39 PM  
Blogger Black Wind, Fire and Steel said...

Dear Anonymous

You are playing with Fireballs if you think you can teach BANNED JUDO in another school, or a derivative of it (BANNED JUDO). Why don't you worry about 'the consequences' ARE YOU OF PRUSSIA.

Kind Regards,
IOYC Gambling with Patient's Life

2:40 AM  
Anonymous tantrik said...

I've always been deeply suspicious of those who profess to be steeped in the ways of Judoness/black arts/belts, etc. Especially when they call themselves 'Anonymous' ... like they're the Phantom (registered trademark) or some other devious, surreptitious loner/fucker!

Ola IOYC, still loving your humerus sight!

6:31 PM  
Blogger Black Wind, Fire and Steel said...

Dear Adam

Holy Fuck, I didn't even notice of the Crisps going East until IT WAS TOO LATE. I need to get those Bonobos and bash them with a Dictionary (of Place Names?).

WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS WEB PAGE (vis a vis Grammar / Punctuate)

Kind Regards,
IOYC Collective Bargaining

5:10 AM  
Blogger mscynic said...

Dearest IOYC,

I'm so glad you're back. I'm totally in love with you. Do you mind if I stalk you?

It can be like a totaly clayton's-style stalking if you want - the stalk you do when you're not really stalking. Given that you probably live so far from me, I think this is probably the most convenient option for both of us.

Did I mention that I'm hammered and sedated right now and will probably regret this comment in the morning?

OH MY GOD!!!!!! WILL YOU STILL RESPECT ME?

9:16 AM  
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Good post

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