ARE YOU GOING TO SCARBOROUGH FAIR (+ BONUS)

I wouldn't - the joint is pretty fucking shit. 'Wow, a Parsley + Sage. What of it vendor, this Parsley + Sage: how much for it'.

The Vendor probably starts signing some harmony at this point, like the shittest sales technique ever. Is he / it unaware of 'subtle suggestive dialogue / NLP techniques guaranteed to GRAB CUSTOMER SATISFACTION?'. I can't abide unprofessionalism. It's like a Disease, on professionalism.

"ARE YOU THE CURE OF IT"

Probably not - more like a vaccine (ie, get some of this into you before it's too late. Afterwards, well, good luck with Life --> in a Hospice).


'Schoolboy Error'

So, what do you think?

I'll be the first to admit that this story contains less Journalism than some others. However it should be noted that I'm being toxically shocked by so many Chemicals at the moment, trace elements all up in the 'water supply', pouring out of vestibules, Ions in the Atmosphere. In fact I've had to Purify my Windmill with a tincture of G. Paltrow + Apple.


'Multi-Purpose'

It's working alright, but she fucking annoys me sometimes. 'My Apple wants to be raised in a loving environment'. I try but I just can't abide Childs of Fruit. This kid could be scarred for life if I'm not careful.

BONUS:

WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS CAT PLAYING OF

I'm in your computer

WHEN WE WERE YOUNGER PEERS ON THE BLOCK POURIN OUT BEERS

So I went to a massive High School Reunion yesterday. It was such a 'blow out', all the old Gang was there, Ranger Stacy, Checkers, Filthy Alan, Goose, and Cameron the Cannon. We had the biggest fucking trip up Memory Lane EVER.

"I'M ABOUT DUE FOR A SERVE"

About my High School --> I went to St. Fabricon's Joint for Dudes and Chicks. It was a pretty dope school, all we did all day was study and learn shit, occasionally pausing to think 'where am I going with this'.


'Class of 19599'

Here's some highlights thrust right into your grills:

RANGER STACY
Ok this chick now Manages a Hospital for Retards. I asked her about it real surreptitious, she said QUOTE: "I don't want to talk about my Job right now, let's get a fucking Squash, I'm off the alcohol bruzz"

CHECKERS
Straight up, the guy has 85 Childs. I'm like, 'you must be so proud' he's like ---> 'fuck yeah'.

FILTHY ALAN
Dude tried to grab my Package, I let him have it (it was a Package of Ties).

GOOSE
"He flies like his old man - by the seat of his pants"
"You'll be flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog shit outta Hong Kong"
"We were inverted"

CAMERON THE CANNON
Still a Cannon. So classic.

Everyone was pretty fucking pumped to hear of my Unlimited Success in Journalism. So much so that it started to shit me --> pretty hard. I think this reminded people "don't fuck with IOYC, woah he hasn't changed - still really sweet".

DEAR DIARY

Why don't you 'take a leaf of my Book', right here:

Well today I took some 'time out' from Windmill Maintenance and Journalism for an interesting Day of Activities. Whilst entering a Megastore I thought about Harry Potter, AGAIN. Maybe I am possessed by Lord Voldemort HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED AS LORD VOLDEMORT. Maybe not, because there are posters of that shit all over the place, incl inside my Eye.

Then I went for lunch in the High School Cafeteria.


'See those fucking Jocks, or some shit --> FUCK JOCKS'

Later (much Later), I went on a Hill and had a little ponder of the lives and times of others on the Hill. A dude pushing a Stroller (Is it a Childs in there?? OR SHOPPING). Some Frisbee motherfuckers straight up chucking shit at each other, smearing themselves in fun. Ended up in some ole Bar, Man, did I have 'the times of our lives' in there - The Barman, 'Steve', he was just flipping drinks at Patrons, smashing them up, throwing Fire into Hair, what a riot.

I got back to the Windmill to find that it had been demoted to a lower credit rating, Standard & Poor really flipped out (Bbb+, WTF). So now I have all these debt problems. Is anything going right? The good news is a Rooster is nesting in my Fireplace, just hanging out. Fucked for Eggs, but if I get really hungry I can make a massive Cock Sandwich.

I wonder what Tomorrow will bring? Probably something pretty mindblowing.

I'M GETTING HIVES (OF INTERFERING BEES)

There's a fucking Bee in my Bonnet. I just got out of my Automobile to check the oil or some shit, I 'pop the trunk' and all there is in there is one little smarmy Bee. It's not even a Queen Bee, just a little ole drone, plain as day. How is this fucking Insect powering my car!! It's driving me Nuts to just consider it.


'Actual Size'

Here's a description of the scenario:

SCENARIO:
IOYC stares at Bee. Bee just fucking smiles back, chilling on the floor of the bonnet. It looks like the Cat that ate the Canary, except a Bee.

That shit is like Version 2.0 of my Automobile.

Upgrades include ENGINE ----> BEE.

I got so angry I made up a list of things the Pope can do. I might smash the Bee with this fucking list soon:

THE POPE CAN DO THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE:

1. Explode on cue / at will.
2. Grimace any time incl 24 / 7.
3. Journey to a theoretical Universe with Prof Hawking (Stephen Hawking).
4. Start a new Religion of 'This Religion, I am the Pope of it'. [NB: CONTROVERSIAL]

So satisfying --> but I can just imagine being prosecuted for Murder of a Bee. Too bad if the Judge is some Hippie of Buddha that loves Insects, he/she/it? will 'throw the book at' me. All I need, a book thrown at me, as if I don't have enough to deal with already without a book-shaped Crater right in my Face [and a lengthy Jail term being some Dude's Bitch].

Can you survive in Jail by 'just being pretty introverted'? Imagine if I get Hoisted on my own Retard and end up in that Jail I started. I'll try to tell the other inmates --> 'LOL Irony' they'll be like 'LOL *sharpens toothbrush*'.