Friday, January 27, 2006


Ayo, you're probably wondering 'is this shit come to an end because I am impatient as fuck with it'. Thing is I've been SUPER BUSY in the process of 'historical looking' to find out just how the fuck I became such an Exciting Monument of Integrity. One thing I keep coming back to is the fateful day I agreed to go on a Date with the Denzel Washington. Let me paint a picture -

'Oh yeah - I went there (recently)'

Basically the dude hassled me for months, ever since I let slip that I was down with Oscar Winners (and even Nominees), so I thought 'what the fuck hell' and agreed to have a massive Meal with him.


What are you, Amish? Anyway shit didn't go according to plan, apparently the Denzel has the wrong impression now and can't shut the fuck up about our future together. Confidentially, I have no plans for the future with that motherfucker, he spent the whole Date in a kind of funk like 'This is my Perfect Dream - but you're ruining it'.

I personally blame the 'Hollywood System' for giving the Denzel all these bizarre and unrealistic hopes of relationships. Is it wrong to just tell him to fuck right off? I couldn't really live with myself if some harm came as a result of this - the repercussions would be enormous (a ban of IOYC at Golden Globes?).

Tuesday, January 17, 2006


Check this - there's basically nothing out there to help people be good at work. Call it 'a fundamental lack of resources' - if you want. The end result is so many people are shit at their Jobs. Every day I'm forced to deal with:

1. Real Estates (Hey - What is a Rent)
2. Aged Care Worker (Can I Feed Childs?)
3. Inventor of Solar Car (Let's make a Petrol Car!!)


My take on this: There are two parts to every Job, the front end and back end. The front end refers to tasks you might have to perform at your Job, like make a Reinforced Beam, lend money to Creditors, assess probability of Flood etc ('It's so fucking likely there will be a Flood soon --> please watch out'). The back end is usually described as 'keeping all your ducks in a row'. I don't actually know what this means, unless your Job is some shit of Ducks (A Duck Warden?).

The last Job I applied for involved selling Donuts for some fat cat Capitalists bent on world domination. The interview was a piece of Shit Piss, cop this:

IOYC: Alright motherfuckers how's about my latest Resume of Achievements.
DONUT VENDOR: Dude, I'll sell you my own Grandma to work here.
IOYC: I don't want that wrinkly old chick, just an Employment, woe is me in the PoorHouse(TM).
DONUT VENDOR: This is on some unpaid shit, volunteering for the good of Donuts.
IOYC: I am seriously going to bust this place up - I will fucking bust it up right now.
DONUT VENDOR: Shit - you look serious.
IOYC: I am.

I'm still waiting to hear back about that Job, but rest assured if I get it you will be buying Donuts from me. My sales pitch is so hypnotic --> like a fucking Siren (of Greece not Ambulance).

'The Power of Christ Compels You (to eat my Products)'

Sunday, January 08, 2006


It's common knowledge that rats are Worthless Vermin. To demonstrate - Imagine a school, day one, all the students sit down and the teacher says 'Good Morning, today's lesson will be How Great Are Rats'. You'd be fucked off beyond belief if you sent your child to that school, 'Demand an Inquiry' / I Sure Hope Someone is fired for this, is this your idea of a Joke, Principal? YOU SHIT PRINCIPAL!!

'Thank you all for coming to my Rock, I might sell you some Insurance now'

I digress. Where I am going is, some clowns think Rats are good, and even make pets out of them. They'd probably try and marry them if it was legal. 'Oh, look at my husband, a Rat'. (Response: 'Your husband is Worthless Vermin --> Get a Divorce'). These people are almost all members of the National Fancy Rat Society (NFRS), one of the most heinous societies of them all. All they like to do, all day, is just take normal old rats and turn them into Fancy Rats, breeding like Rabbits (or Rats).

I just hope that like such fucked up societies as Amazon, Tribe of Inca etc, the NFRS gets its ass handed to it by a Conquistador or two. An example of 'Social Darwinism'?

'Your shit Sun Calendar is no match for my Spanish Violence of Kung Fu'