Friday, September 02, 2005

THERE GOES THE GREATEST JOURNALISM OF RECENTLY

Dear Readership

I Hereby Announce the Unthinkable --> Closure of IOYC.


'WORLD'S BIGGEST WTFFFFFF!!!'

Word life. (Also, how ill is that Plane!?) It's time for me to Retire from the world of Web Page Journalism in order to make a New Project so secret and fucking intense that it would make most people explode to think about it. Imagine forcing a Child or Animal to think about it - so Sadistic.

I feel pretty guilt-ridden, 1. right before the Whale Festival and 2. how are Scoops going to be uncovered now. But I simply can't do both, I would be making shit Journalism that would be disrespectful to the Truth of Facts. Basically like punching Jesus in the Testicular Sac (on the Cross).

'BUT BUT BUT etc'

Yup. It's probably just going to be a new Dark Ages in which so many fucked things happen. Oh well! I might come back in an Explosive Development if everything turns into a massive piece of shit. I feel that there are so many Stories on here though, enough to just look back --> 'Remember when some shit about Concrete etc'.

I would like to thank all of the Internet and Readership for being interested and pumped to read of a non-stop factual barrage, and in particular a number of Great Journalists, Fine Individuals of Friendship, you know who you are (HOW?? --> PSYCHIC). It's been a rewarding initiative in so many ways! You are all welcome in the Windmill any time, if you bring food and shit.

Don't just fucking turn up empty handed. Look what happened to Slipknot.


'Nuff Respect to the Projects I'm Ghost One Love'

HOLLA

IOYC Till They Bury Me

34 Comments:

Blogger Dr Henrik Ziegler said...

No!

But.. but.. the facts!

Whatever will we do?

8:59 AM  
Blogger Jobe said...

In the battle between IOYC and Jobe there could be only one survivor...

9:53 AM  
Blogger LittleMissS said...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
i will dress in mourning for two years.
stop all the clocks.

3:13 PM  
Blogger ms fits said...

*sobs*

5:58 PM  
Blogger Alex said...

Just before the Whale Festival!!! NOOO you cant deprive us of that, we were relying on you bring back all the goss/news/stories/photo's of nataniel (is he real?). You must persevere!

Whats the real reason for this closure! There has to be one, especially after such sucsess and recognition! Has someone blackmailed you? Did someone chop off your hands? Manpulating girlfriend who hates your blog? Asshole Boss who hates your freelance journalism? Whyyyyy?

8:28 PM  
Blogger thr said...

Who will be the realness?
This shit ain't happening!!
I will return to M-town shortly and sortly this shitly out.
werd
thomas to the R

12:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Noooo - i hadn't yet summoned the courage to write one adoring comment!

4:01 AM  
Blogger Dr Henrik Ziegler said...

There's one, and only one excuse I would accept.

Only one reason that would be suitable.

Probst.

9:45 AM  
Blogger Alex said...

Dr Ziegler; by jingo, I think you are right.

Gentlemen and Ladies, load your guns, its time to take on the Probst.

4:38 AM  
Anonymous tantrik said...

shattered/fucken ruined!!! ----> inconsolable/demise, etc...

5:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

please don't do this!! i was keeping you to myself cos i loved you so much and didn't want to share.. and have only just decided to tell my friends about you and release you into my world like a little pony just finding its' legs!!
please come back ioyc
x's

7:21 PM  
Blogger la nadine said...

un. cool.

8:36 PM  
Anonymous bt said...

Holla IOYC!

Your timely resignation is just another example of your magnificent comedic timing!

I will download your entire blog. And print it out. And show it to people who can't afford a computer.


Respect.

9:17 PM  
Blogger Born Dancin' said...

Sad, sad day. It's clear that if the entire internet was represented by a 70s cop movie (which it is), IOYC would be the do-it-his-own-way/doesn't-play-by-the-book hero that viewers would try to imitate when they went back to their desk jobs/schoolyards the next morning. Also probably possessing a distinctive hairstyle (NOT CONFIRMED).

10:01 PM  
Blogger Adam said...

I thought this might happen, no one can keep amazing factual barrages going forever, we've got to learn to stand on our own investigative feet.

Thanks for everything Black Wind, Fire and Earth, you've given us the skills and inspiration to live and learn.....

..either that, or you've left Earth because of Erosion..thanks a bunch! (Sarcasm).

12:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you David Foster Wallace my favourite writer of all time besides Harry Crews and Flannery O'Connor?

12:27 AM  
Anonymous phatmoneysack said...

A very very sad day.

I only starting reading your facts about a month ago.

This site is pure comedy gold and will not be forgotten.

Please don't close it down

1:36 AM  
Blogger Handcuffed Lightning said...

Please don't. This blog is the single greatest thing about the internet. In fact, it might even be why the internet was designed. And there's some stiff competition (university degrees by email, for example).

2:01 AM  
Blogger Jobe said...

Cheer up gang! We still have the Up Late Game Show to keep us entertained!

5:05 AM  
Anonymous al said...

The genius of Hotdogs notwithstanding, this is tuly a sad day/week, yet I think BT might be on to something...

When does the book come out, IOYC? And might I suggest the title "I'M ON YOUR COFFEE TABLE"?

Vale/holla.

8:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fucken fuck fuck bollocks bullshit shit. That's what it is. I don't even like the effing internet except for some stuff on it. Fuck this, I'm going up the road not across the street this time.

12:11 AM  
Anonymous Jesus said...

This is truly like being punched in the Testicular Sac (on the Cross).

It is tempting/ would be very funny to smite you, but alas that would also not ===> you being on my computer.

So long, you're on my computer (in Heaven)

..-. .- .-. . .-- . .-.. .-..

12:39 AM  
Blogger tim said...

And we never managed to unmask you! This is tragic. How will we recognise your work in future projects? Cunningly placed in-jokes about safes perhaps?

1:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is too bad. too too bad.

1:10 AM  
Anonymous megan said...

*sob*

9:28 AM  
Blogger Dxxxx said...

Say it isn't so.
Please say this is just another of your journalistic concepts, perhaps investigating the mourning process of your readership.

Dxxxx

4:04 PM  
Blogger Alex said...

At least tell us the real reason why?

WHY?
WHY?
WHYYYYYY?

9:51 PM  
Anonymous ilse said...

sigh.

he's been kidnapped by nataniel, dudes.

3:06 AM  
Blogger Black Wind, Fire and Steel said...

DEAR READERSHIP

Hey - hi. I just had a look at this Web Page and it's turned into so many Messages of Despair / Holla / WTF?!. I tell you what ---> That's nice.

But I fear some of your Comprehension Skills are a bit fucked! I'm making a new Project, it says so clearly, in English. It's not like I want to Quit Journalism, but I can't make two Dope Projects at once. I'm simply too focussed.

"I CAN RESPECT THAT SO MUCH, NOW I'M GOING TO A BBQ"

In answer to some other Questions, 'he owes us an Explanation' etc:

1. It is NOT because of the Probst. I am so over my (TOTALLY legitimate) fear of that dude. Thanks, Therapists!

2. I would take on Nataniel in a 1:1 ratio. I've got that dude so sussed out. [Except still pretty baffling!?!]

3. My hairstyle is best described as 'HOLY SHIT --> PROFESSIONALISM'

4. LOL unmasked etc. Like KISS!

5. "I'M ON YOUR COFFEE TABLE" --> Holy Shit. That could be just about the Illest Publication of Just In Time For Christmas ever, if there was a Publisher willing to take on that shit. Is there one big enough among you, etc. Think of all the Vested Interests who would stop at nothing to see that book BANNED (eg Tangram Association - Bring It On Motherfuckers!!!)

6. It's pretty fucked but also quite Ill to put a Child in a Maze (for life??)

7. Lumbar Supports.

Kind Regards,
IOYC Enjoying A Retirement (ALSO PRETTY FUCKING CALM ABOUT IT)

3:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello meathead. You say fuck a lot, and that's all.
You're leaving? This is good news; one less load of pap. Internet tripe.
You're not a journalist, you're a dope. A cut out, a stereotype. A no-talent bum.

11:35 PM  
Blogger Alex said...

You take that back!!

12:16 AM  
Blogger usch said...

It's ok folks,

More QUALITY journalism has been located. QUALITY, if not HYPERBOLIC.

here:

http://thisismycomputerblog.blogspot.com/

5:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG less than 11 hours until the whale festival!

9:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Its Festival Time!!

IOYC where are you when we need you most!!!!

DOOOOOM!
NATANIEL!!!
DOOOOOM!

4:36 PM  

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