WHAT A COCK(ATIEL) UP
Hi Friends! (a little greeting I developed)
Yesterday I was walking around the Windmill, just thinking quietly to myself 'HOLY SHIT it's so quiet and peaceful in this Windmill, aah. Wait a minute it's a Lonesome Misery of Isolation' and so on. It was then I noticed these thoughts in my mind --> WHY NOT GET A PET. So I went to the Pet Shop, picked out this dope ole Cockatiel. All I could imagine was 'This Bird will be Ill as shit, fly around the Windmill for a lark, Deliver messages from Dumbledore etc'. (HARRY POTTER MADNESS?)
"THAT SOUNDS SO FUCKING PERFECT"
Holla! Unfortunately, my Cockatiel turned into probably the worst pet ever.
'Phylum: Chordata Genus: Aves Species: Shit'
It was the biggest anticlimax! Here's a brief list of its bullshit flaws:
1. Poor flight patterns.
2. Pretty boring, only occasionally good.
3. CAN'T DELIVER MESSAGES
I got so stiffed on that purchase. Pet Shop owners, do they give a fuck for Customer Satisfaction or just turning a huge profit for their fat pockets!!
Is it against the RSPCA to just throw that shit in a bin.
Yesterday I was walking around the Windmill, just thinking quietly to myself 'HOLY SHIT it's so quiet and peaceful in this Windmill, aah. Wait a minute it's a Lonesome Misery of Isolation' and so on. It was then I noticed these thoughts in my mind --> WHY NOT GET A PET. So I went to the Pet Shop, picked out this dope ole Cockatiel. All I could imagine was 'This Bird will be Ill as shit, fly around the Windmill for a lark, Deliver messages from Dumbledore etc'. (HARRY POTTER MADNESS?)
"THAT SOUNDS SO FUCKING PERFECT"
Holla! Unfortunately, my Cockatiel turned into probably the worst pet ever.
'Phylum: Chordata Genus: Aves Species: Shit'
It was the biggest anticlimax! Here's a brief list of its bullshit flaws:
1. Poor flight patterns.
2. Pretty boring, only occasionally good.
3. CAN'T DELIVER MESSAGES
I got so stiffed on that purchase. Pet Shop owners, do they give a fuck for Customer Satisfaction or just turning a huge profit for their fat pockets!!
Is it against the RSPCA to just throw that shit in a bin.
12 Comments:
Dude, I hate to parrot the authorities and everything, but I really think you should stay cagey on this one. You'd be in pretty deep shit if she just upped and Avian flew away.
Ahhhh buyer's remorse. How sweet it is.
THE PUNS! THE PUNS ARE EVERYWHERE!
PLAY-ON-WORDS MADNESS, I TELL YOU!
In other news - I have a bird!
It used to belong to my grandmother who was pretty deaf towards the end, and my dear budgie is thoroughly traumatised from being plonked next to the television for several hours a day whilst Mama watched The Bill at full volume.
It also dabbles in stunt work.
My bird is cool.
PS: As you can see, I like to share.
Maybe you should teach it to talk?
You could suggest it says "I am one dope bird"
Perhaps then it would be a more satisfactory pet?
Ha. I used to go out with this COMPLETE LOSER who collected lost pet posters.
One day I want to pay a little child to kick him in the shins while I hide, laughing, behind a bin.
I think 'weirdo' trumps 'loser' in that case.
Oh, I find that lost cockatiel poster just untenably sad! It's heart-rending!
Earth, Wind and Fire;
where the fuck are you? I'm missing your best-in-class journalism badly. Are you affected by journalism's blockage? Please write something ... anything ... just let us know you are alive and well.
Hearts,
tantrik
I wholeheartedly endorse the above comments and/or products. Please send IOYC stunt double to further hilarity.
x
where are you?
Thanks for offering this great service to learn about pet memorial. I have a website about pet memorial which makes me very interested in what you have going here. I think I am going to start up my own blog so I can spread the news! Thanks you are offering this great service!
Post a Comment
<< Home