Thursday, September 22, 2005

DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK

Hey - hi!

Sorry about rocking up unannounced (to my own Web Page?) - I just had the biggest Attack of Conscience about not covering the main event of all of 2005, the motherfucking HERMANUS WHALE FESTIVAL. Like I had 'The Social Contract' to report about it.


'Album of the Year?'

What actually happened was the Festival organisers called me up and grilled me down the phone like some kind of 'cooking by long-distance' bullshit. So Futuristic, but the pain is all in the present! [Some of it is in the Past]. Here's a hint for free: Don't ever fuck with Festival organisers.

"RIGHT CLICK --> SAVE AS"

So check this:
A Careful Postcard from the coast of BEAUTIFUL HERMANUS. (Disclaimer: I was paid cash to say that shit)

"I'M ON THE EDGES OF TWO SEPARATE SEATS"

Good one. Anyway the Festival went off without a hitch, so many Whales just hanging out, 'shooting the shit', brawling, whatever Whales do? Having a Whale of a Time, WTF (Some idiots actually have a PhD in Whales --> Imagine how fucked off their parents are).

The most controversial thing that happened was to do with Nataniel. Remember that dude! Well he didn't disappoint, he rocked up in a Maelstrom of BLAOW, dived right into the festival and proceeded to put on the dopest show of Cabaret Spectacular most people have ever seen. A couple of people in the audience died of Joy, Pensioners were just 'rooted to the spot' with admiration / shit at Moving. They'll be talking about that spine-chilling performance at Hermanus for long after we're all Corpses. 'The Descendants of Nataniel's Audience, '05' etc. 'Check my Digital Photo of Nataniel.jpg'...'Ho-hum'.

What can I say, it was alright but I personally was a little disappointed in Nataniel. Let's be honest - 'seen it all before'. Maybe my musical Vision is unsuited to cabaret --> more suited to Limp Bizkit?


'Album of the Year?'

The Prince and Princess of Whales competition was pretty fierce. If the Childs in it are any indication of our future, the World is going to be so fucking ill soon!! (in about 10 years). I almost can't wait, luckily I bought some books and shit to pass the time. Incl. one book of 1,000 Facts --> that is like one Fact per day for 10 years! Imagine how fucking Smart I am going to be when I have finished.

So, hope things have been well in 'the interim', I have checked a little bit of Journalism but so much work on the New Project. But I also have so many stories waiting to develop - eg Praise the Lord (of Hosts), A 'Little Accident', Fuck Cats, Cellos v Paintings (of Cellos), Stupid Locksmiths, ISO 9001:2000, What is 'Asset Triangle', The Funny Side of Fishing, Fancy Rat Appreciation Society, Ussher (Former Archbishop of Ireland) - Yeah, You Can't Beat an Oneida Community, Logs / Log Rolling (Sport), I Predict a Psychic, A Survey of Readers / Interactive, How To Drive [MAN/CHICKS] Wild, Training your Childs in Morals, Banning of Scepticism, Flight Simulators - Why, A Balancing Act, 'Drugs to Blame in Violent Teenage Sex Party' (Tabloid Journalism), The Untimely Death of Slipknot, Interview of Surgeon (Vet), My Spiritual Journey to an Isthmus, Follow Up of Ghostly Pope, Science of Ruling at Chess.

STAY TUNED if you can be fucked. One thing you can say about Journalists --> So fucking inept Unpredictable!

8 Comments:

Blogger thr said...

Jesus H Christ thats a lot of projects. No wonder you've called a haly.

Good luck with the "Fuck Cats" project- though I can't see it being any more complicated than simply : "Fuck cats". Unless this is a bunny rooting thing- can't imagine it is.

The whale festival has been a triumph from all accounts- and your return confirms it.

regards
Thomasr

5:23 PM  
Blogger Lucy Tartan said...

thank you.

5:23 PM  
Blogger Alex said...

*Explodes with joy*

5:30 PM  
Blogger Jess said...

Good to have you back, sirrah x

6:10 PM  
Blogger Jobe said...

*slams down his shotglass and glares at IOYC, much like he glared at Jesus that fateful April day*

5:43 AM  
Blogger la nadine said...

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!

5:43 PM  
Blogger Black Wind, Fire and Steel said...

Hello Friends!

It's good to be back, into Reporting the News. I still intend to pursue the New Project but I am so balancing that shit out - like a sweet Budget. Thanks for 'sticking it out' (the Fact VOID).

Mauritania --> Is it Real?

Kind Regards,
IOYC Modular Furnishings

1:00 PM  
Blogger Chris Moonbeams said...

Hi, I was surfing the internet and here I am at your blog. I'm quite impressed , with how you have put it all together.

I'll be coming back again.

Cheers,

LPN Degree Online

9:14 AM  

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