Monday, June 27, 2005

LETTING THE CAT* OUT OF THE BAG**

(* Catamaran)

(** Bag)

It's been exactly One Year and Six Hours since I finished my Solo Round The World Catamaran Voyage of Discovery. Now I'm not gonna be all like 'this was a Life Changing etc', because it wasn't and in truth it was totally boring and I almost wish I decided to do something else instead or at least take a fucking First Mate or some chicks or some shit.

So here's a photo of my Catamaran:


'That's confusing my fucking Eyeballs!! but it looks pretty ill'

I suppose everyone is 'just dying to hear about what happened on the Voyage', well too bad / 'unfulfilled' because it's all been Totally Classified once the Government found out about it. They have their fingers in so many pies, that bloody old Government. However, I was going through my Diary that I kept from the Voyage and won't be 'Chucked In A Gulag' for publishing the following notes (I hope!):

Day 1
"Holy Shit, this should be a pretty dope Voyage, also I am pumped about my Supplies"

[nb: Note my fucking Optimism!!]

Day 27
"Encountered Strong Winds or some shit, Maritime, Seaboard etc"

Day 42
"Pirates (final score IOYC: Killed About 100 Pirates; Pirates most common cry 'Why Did We Fuck With This Catamaran??'; International Laws of the Sea: Upheld.)"

Day 60
"Oh look, some Countries, Peoples"

Day 72
"Well, that's the Voyage finished I guess, *MASSIVE SIGH*"

I'll probably do it again this year. It all depends on so many things.

"HEY, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF TRIMARANS"

Fuck a Trimaran, those stupid Boats are far more Efficient than Catamarans.

11 Comments:

Anonymous Deep Sea Trench said...

Sup B. As I was reading your latest "opinion piece" (coz you can't really call it 'journalism' if you're just writing about yourself/vanity, innit) I started thinking "with my newfoundland of language skills what's up with the word CATAMARAN?" Because I know that the "prefix tri" means "three" in Latin (for real), ERGO TRIMARAN is a bastardisation of "three Morans", ie "an awesome night out at the local pizza joint (with authentic Italian pineapples and shit)". But what the hell is "cat" doing there???

So, word up - I checked out the entomology and found out that it means "logs LASHED TOGETHER" in "Tamil", which is the language spoken by the tigers in Sri Lanka (hence the "cat" bit) - KINKY OR WHAT!?! (NB that shit'll fuck you up if you're tying off with a clove-hitch, sheet-bend, etc). Just thought it would peak your interest (like the stockmarket/have you INVESTIAGED THAT YET!?!)

P.S. Is there any chance the pirates were the same brigands who killed Morse?!? We could get a Crime Scene Investigation (Maldives) going up in here!

5:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're going to have to get a new blog, IOYC. It's all gone to shit.

Well done Deep. You win the twat-o-saurus of the year award.

6:16 PM  
Anonymous Deep Twat-O-Saurus said...

Awesome "Anon" - thanks for the props (and the new name)!! Glad to know that at least SOMEONE takes themselves seriously in here (in these serious times and all). Check it.

6:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ha ha! Touché.

6:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

By the way, my last comment was sincere. Nice comeback Deep sweetie ;-) Obviously I'm not the original Anonymous poster. Is everyone confused enough yet?

7:10 PM  
Anonymous ilse said...

Mmmmmmn... AquaBus.

9:20 PM  
Blogger mscynic said...

I would like to volunteer to be 'First Mate'/'Some Chick' on the next voyage.

Thank you.

11:40 PM  
Blogger thr said...

based on more hulls= more realness, then why not a quadamaran.
though surely a sexamaran is where its at.

1:45 AM  
Blogger Fop said...

STEP OFF bitches! I've already baggsed "first mate"! Also, what the HELL is going on in this blog's comments these days? I can barely cope.

3:53 PM  
Anonymous Deep said...

No problem - I'll step down. I certainly didn't want to stress anyone out. I realise the jokes were a little lame, but moving IOYC to a new blog seems a bit overkill don't you think?

2:24 AM  
Blogger Black Wind, Fire and Steel said...

Dear Y'All

There is so much controversy on here right now!! About who is going to be First Mate and some chicks, between Fop and Ms Cynic. I am pretty conflicted as 'would it be the same if it wasn't a solo Voyage of Discovery', also 'Safety Issues'. I'm going to need a fucking Octomaran to carry all of these people and their bloody mountains of Supplies. But I might just do it anyway! So please start 'the World's Biggest Training Regimen'.

In regards to THE DAY EVERYTHING WENT HAYWIRE!! (contd..), like I said I can't Dictate what everyone says on this Web Page, just 'do what you think is right in your Heart!!'. I sure don't want to make a new one - I don't even know HOW to. How did I make this one?? (CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN IT TO ME). Please might I re-iterate how calm I am about this shit. Soooo fucking calm!! I have to deal with total Insane Bananas Shit at the Press Club every day, this is like 'Time Out' BUT ALSO REALLY INTENSE.

To summarise:

1. What's up with Cellos, I'm looking into that right this second.
2. Masks, Mask-making.

Yours Sincerely,
IOYC Cable and Wireless

3:31 AM  

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