Thursday, June 23, 2005

I'M MOVING ON

How good is that suspenseful incomplete title!

"HOLY SHIT IS MY LIFE ABOUT TO GO FUCKED WITH THE END OF THIS WEB PAGE"

Haha, no. Because where I am moving on to is 'into a Windmill'.

The story behind this is I've been wanting to live inside a Windmill ever since I was a baby (even a Fetus). So, I put the call out to heaps of Real Estate Agents that exclusively deal in Windmills. There are a lot of these guys around and boy are they aggressive. My advice is to not call up a single one until you have totally decided to move into a Windmill, they will be fucking hassling you day and night otherwise. Some things they did include:

1. Kidnap my family and hide them in a Windmill 'Open For Inspection'
2. Force feed a duck to a child.
3. Worse things than that.

But, FUCK THOSE AGENTS!!! I'm over all that now and just happy to finally be realising my dream. I'm not really worried about common problems like 'when it gets windy', 'commuting', 'getting smashed by the blades of the Windmill', I figure everything will take care of itself somehow.


'Such a Beautiful Windmill'

Come over and say 'Hi' if you can be fucked, or just stand outside looking at it 'soothing rhythms of Windmills etc'.

16 Comments:

Blogger Freelancer said...

*Stuffs oily rag into back pocket. Assumes best maintenance chick voice*

"You're gonna to have to be pretty careful not to get smashed by those invisible blades. A real hazard, they are. I'd look at reducing the number of revolutions."

3:21 PM  
Anonymous Deep Gratuitous said...

Dude, 4GET about "buying, renting, leasing, letting or buying" a windmill... just 'COMPSTRUCT' your own!!!

You know... with the conspiracy... and everything...

OK, that's gonna be the "last word" on the "subject". No really.

4:59 PM  
Anonymous Deep (ly) Concerned said...

OK Black, I've "compiled a compendium" using my Art of the State (govt.) that highlights some issues that you should be aware of if not shitting yourself about when you move into your Windmill (if you HAVEN'T ALREADY/oh damn):

1. Rats in the belfry - apparently these little suckers and/or gnawers can "munch" through your Main Grinding Shaft, which is not a euphonium for ANYTHING.

2. Windmill Tilt - this shit can seriously fuck up your day as Don Quick Oats (tm) found out. He used his paid-for-lances to try to rectalfy the situation of invisible blades only to find his oats were lost in "La Muncher" which is the Spanish word for a rat. He ended up being the best lover of all time, so there is an "upside your face".

3. Regurgitated Ducks - Something to do with Real Estate Agent Smith's Crisps. Fragments of pancake/Hoi Sin/inflated prices disrupt the 'milling around' mechanism and you'll need construction tools to remove them (DON't EVEN GO THERE)

Just wanna make sure you're prepared homes (for your home)

6:58 PM  
Anonymous Deep (ly) Concerned said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:12 PM  
Anonymous Deep (ly) Confused said...

What the "Holy Double Posting" fuck is going on? Is someone duping me or even worse duplicating me???

7:29 PM  
Anonymous Jesus said...

Bless you.

Jesus (EG ME) loves windmills - especially those in the category:invisible.

7:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

thats not a windmill
you got ripped off

10:16 PM  
Blogger fluffy said...

dear DEEP: please get a blog! your genius must not be confined to the comments section of IOYC. I suggest a title which has something to do with word associations and conspiracy theories. Best of luck.

4:59 AM  
Blogger Black Wind, Fire and Steel said...

Dear Dudes

Check it out - I totally fucking Administrated that shit with the two comments!! My option was to 'Remove forever? (It cannot be undone.)!! Like the Bible, Koran.. other Religions.

Anyway the Windmill is going so great, just so cool that I can't stop being pumped about how dope it is for me right now (in the Windmill). To think I was worried about this 'move', High Cholesterol, 'Basically Signing Your Own Death Warrant' etc.

Kindest Regards In This Joyous Occasion,
IOYC The Little Engine That Could

5:14 AM  
Blogger thr said...

I'm told that if you tilt WITH the windmill instead of tilting at the fucking thing, then all will be tickety boo.

Tilt with a windmill and the world tilts with you, tilt at it and you're on yer fucking own.

2:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"...which is not a euphonium for ANYTHING."

deep, let me register my amazement that you snuck in a reference to a valved brass instrument during your combined windmill manifesto / sexual innuendo thing. beautiful ;)

-jonno SWIFT

4:24 AM  
Anonymous Deep (ly) Humbled said...

Re: speck for your post-toasting there Blk = I'm seriously awe full with that shit!!! I really didn't want to have the last word to your (mutha or anyone) but some 'dude swaggering' sauteed up to me yesterday and waned lyrical about his "Inverso Windmill Swing Flipping" skillz. Now I know you're into flipping (and other shit [maybe?!{?}!?]) and since you've now got a Windmill of your own that you're very cosy in, but maybe now not for long/sleep easy tonight, you should be aware of the serious Baleric action that you're up against:

You can tell I'm enjoying myself by the expression on my face (don't fuck with me or I'll get all 'Cafe Del Mar' on your ass)

No choice left but to bust that dude's chops (knuckle sandwich/scoop!!!) with some serious "Marinading or Renovating" methinks - just be careful on the Streets Borough out.

9:10 PM  
Blogger Black Wind, Fire and Steel said...

Dear Deep [parsing of some kind etc]

Holy Fucking Shit!! That Baleen Windmill dude is 'off the charts!!' It's only a matter of minutes until he's all over the Internet, Television, 'Murdoch Press' etc just flipping like a total affront to a 'sense of decency', he's pretty much the new Rap for a Generation, WTF is to be done about him!

I suggest the following options, Last Resort:

1. Befriending in order to learn more about him.
2. Formal 'State of Emergency'

The moral implications are just taxing me so much right now. I wish I hadn't fucking Burned my Bridges with C. Powell that dude would be Perfect to handle this, he's got his own fucking RESOURCE of COMMITTED WINDMILL EXPLOITING CATS WITH 'NOTHING TO LOSE'. I quite honestly 'don't have shit' in that regard.

Fuck could THIS be 'THE DAY EVERYTHING WENT HAYWIRE'??

(Haha, doubt it as I'm still somehow super Calm! Possibly an example of 'Failure of Reasoning'?)

Yours Sincerely,
IOYC Gang of Ringleaders

4:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

foetus, not fetus

7:20 PM  
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10:35 PM  
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7:02 PM  

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