Tuesday, January 17, 2006

RIGHT NOW MY JOB IS EATING THESE DO-NUTS

Check this - there's basically nothing out there to help people be good at work. Call it 'a fundamental lack of resources' - if you want. The end result is so many people are shit at their Jobs. Every day I'm forced to deal with:

1. Real Estates (Hey - What is a Rent)
2. Aged Care Worker (Can I Feed Childs?)
3. Inventor of Solar Car (Let's make a Petrol Car!!)

"WHAT'S TO BE DONE - I'M AFRAID"

My take on this: There are two parts to every Job, the front end and back end. The front end refers to tasks you might have to perform at your Job, like make a Reinforced Beam, lend money to Creditors, assess probability of Flood etc ('It's so fucking likely there will be a Flood soon --> please watch out'). The back end is usually described as 'keeping all your ducks in a row'. I don't actually know what this means, unless your Job is some shit of Ducks (A Duck Warden?).

The last Job I applied for involved selling Donuts for some fat cat Capitalists bent on world domination. The interview was a piece of Shit Piss, cop this:

IOYC: Alright motherfuckers how's about my latest Resume of Achievements.
DONUT VENDOR: Dude, I'll sell you my own Grandma to work here.
IOYC: I don't want that wrinkly old chick, just an Employment, woe is me in the PoorHouse(TM).
DONUT VENDOR: This is on some unpaid shit, volunteering for the good of Donuts.
IOYC: I am seriously going to bust this place up - I will fucking bust it up right now.
DONUT VENDOR: Shit - you look serious.
IOYC: I am.

I'm still waiting to hear back about that Job, but rest assured if I get it you will be buying Donuts from me. My sales pitch is so hypnotic --> like a fucking Siren (of Greece not Ambulance).


'The Power of Christ Compels You (to eat my Products)'

7 Comments:

Blogger Fop said...

Dear oh dear oh dear.

7:45 PM  
Blogger Yubris said...

I'll tell you the SECRET to this selling shit y'all - you gotta DIVERSIFY. So I'm talkin churros in one hand, loukoumades in the other and a pot of hot melted chocolate in the other... hand. Polish it off with a good doughnut wine (like a Cab Sav) for your middle palate and you'll be sweet as (and hopefully covered in icing sugar [oh shit I've said too much {again}]).

11:21 PM  
Blogger Sherriff said...

If they are Krispy Kremes Corp, I'll be the guy at the end of the counter all covered in sugar and blinking a lot.

4:26 PM  
Blogger Ethan said...

Almost anything baked, oily, and covered in sugar, I have found, tends to sell itself. I am sure your l33t Siren charms will only strengthen The Call of Donut.

12:27 AM  
Blogger mscynic said...

Eight donuts, please.

7:07 AM  
Blogger grilly said...

"hey wait a minute! ain't you - "

10:21 AM  
Blogger Black Wind, Fire and Steel said...

Dear Grilly

Please accept my illest props for that pickup.

Kind Regards,
IOYC It Ain't My Job To Help Your Ass Out

12:06 AM  

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