Friday, July 29, 2005

SWEDEN HEATS UP (BY MEANS OF A DEVICE)

Ayo, this is true: Most of the time you just think of something as permanently 'hot' or 'cold'. There's simply no 'in-between' (Um, WARM).

"SHIT YEAH, THAT CONCEPT REALLY SITS WELL WITH ME"

Facts of life dude! This is especially a problem for countries that are really Cold, like Sweden. It's fucking hard for the Government to keep people living there, 'Let's move to Laos, etc, fuck this cold Country, we'll fit right in at Laos, I LOVE LAOS MORE THAN SWEDEN, SO MUCH MORE!! [!!]'


'I Dream Of Laos / Sweden's Hope of the Future (until now)'

Luckily and just in the nick of time, some dudes in Sweden came up with the idea of the Patented Heat Pump. What this shit does is literally pump 'hotness' from one place to another, through motherfucking Pipes and shit.


'It took all of us and this baby to invent a Heat Pump'

Since Sweden has been pumping Hotness into itself, the average happiness of its Residents has risen by 400% Only 165 Swedes have moved to Laos, and many of them for totally unrelated reasons, like 'lifestyle of Laos'.

I suppose you want to know 'how it works'. Pretty simple:


'Actual Product may Vary from etc etc'

The only problem is I'm pretty sure Patents are 'an intolerable form of outmoded monopoly rights with heinous consequences for the lives of the Developing World at the hands of Big Pharma shareholders'. So in closing, Fuck Patents!!

Caveat: Except the Heat Pump

12 Comments:

Blogger Dr Henrik Ziegler said...

Big Farmers have little to do with the developing world, actually. Primarily due to issues of girth, food consumption, seat size, giant toilets, oversized buses etc. Also I would like to bring to your attention this important notice about Laos: "THIS IS AN IMPORTANT NOTICE ABOUT LAOS AND ALSO POLITICAL SATIRE OR MAYBE SOME KIND OF REALITY TV SHOW"

In closing, Yes.

Also I want one of these hotness transfer mechanisms. Where do I sign up? Is this some kind of Swedish Treaty Organisation thing or can I buy one through TV Shopping At Home For Stupid People Network LLC?

10:16 AM  
Blogger Black Wind, Fire and Steel said...

Dear 'Henny'

That shit about Laos was pretty spot on! It's so fucked up, all the problems they have there (mainly due to Swedes fucking it up for everyone, those Selfish Swedes!!)

To purchase a Heat Pump you will need to become a completely Registered Country with the United Nations (NOT an LLC). This shit is so difficult, it's like a Minefield (of Mines [of Difficulty]).

Good Luck!!

Kind Regards,
IOYC Sony Memory Stick (512mb)

1:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear IOYC Comptroller,

Now that you have judiciously 'served' the good Dr with information (not a writ - he is a dilettante LOL), howsabout joining some of your other readers as defendants (of their ignorance etc)?

Where does 'black wind, fire and steel' come from?

Sweden (either directly or via heat pump)?


Hoping to be (duly) served,

Kind(est?) Regards,
ANON This Cheque Has Been Printed On Sensitised Watermarked Paper

1:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear IOYC,

Re: "Request for further and better particulars"

I of course meant where does "black wind..." etymologically come from.

Kindest Regards & Requisitions,
ANON This Australian Note Is Legal Tender Throughout Australia And Its Territories

1:44 PM  
Blogger Jobe said...

Nice work making patents look TOTALLY BAD by only showing one side of the argument.

I'd expect this sort of fear campaign against patents from a mainstream rag paper but NOT FROM HERE!

You sicken/disgust/produce doughnuts for me

8:21 PM  
Blogger CloCkWeRX said...

Dear IOYC,
As a regular reader and one deeply fearful of all things cold and swedish, I'd like to bring to your attention something I saw the other day.

I believe it's called geothermal something or rather, but as it's more casually known around here, Our Fucking Massive Heat Pump.

Seeing as I'm a resident of South Australia, where it's generally acknowledged and accepted as a Good Place To Cook / Put Foriegn People, I can't really understand why we need it.

Do you have any insight as to why we've got one?
Surely we don't have sufficient amounts of swedish people or those who wish to move to Laos...

Yours in Confusion and Bewilderment,
CloCkWeRX

5:18 PM  
Blogger Black Wind, Fire and Steel said...

Dear Y'All

In the form of Points:

1. Dear Jobe, why don't you just say 'Man do I fucking love Monopolising things, too bad if you don't like it because I don't even care, I am a Lobby Group of Big Pharma'.

2. Dear Anonymous. Dude, it's so straightforward! Hire a Detective if you can't even figure it out (Can you figure out how to Hire a Detective)

3. Dear Clock. That shit is out of hand, it's like a Heat Pump of the 'Earth's Crust'. What next ---> 'Scientists Playing God??'

Kind Regards,
IOYC Staff Only Beyond This Point

4:25 AM  
Blogger Adam 2.0 said...

As a Laotian, I totally support the emigration of Swedes to our fine country. Especially hot ones.

4:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know what's funnier, that this makes me a detective, or that it's off Manowar's 1987 LP "Fighting the World".

Slipknot will be jealous of the total props going out to the "world's Loudest Band*" here.

*TM Guiness Book of Records




Black Wind, Fire And Steel

Full Moon Light Is Calling Me My Kingdom Lies Within
The Mystic Soul And Lion's Heart Brought By The Talisman
The Ecstasy Of Battle Takes Me Where The Falcons Fly
Immortal Youth Was Granted Me
I Will Never Die

Born Of Black Wind Fire And Steel
Born Of Black Wind Fire And Steel
Born To Teach Them All To Heel
Born Of Black Wind Fire And Steel

Pounded By The Hammers Of The Giants Of The World
I Can See In Darkness I’m The Overlord
Single Combat I Await My Shadow Brings Them Fear
The Spikes Upon My Chariot Will Grind Them When They’re Near

Born Of Black Wind Fire And Steel
Born Of Black Wind Fire And Steel
Born To Teach Them All To Heel
Born Of Black Wind Fire And Steel

I Am An Outcast On The Path Of No Return
Punisher And Swordsman I Was Born To Burn
Black Wind Always Follows Where My Black Horse Rides
Fire’s In My Soul
Steel Is On My Side

Born Of Black Wind Fire And Steel
Born Of Black Wind Fire And Steel
Born To Teach Them All To Heel
Born Of Black Wind Fire And Steel

I Am An Outcast On The Path Of No Return
Punisher And Swordsman I Was Born To Burn
Black Wind Always Follows Where My Black Horse Rides
Fire’s In My Soul
Steel Is On My Side

Born Of Black Wind Fire And Steel
Born Of Black Wind Fire And Steel
Born To Teach Them All To Heel
Born Of Black Wind Fire And Steel

2:18 AM  
Blogger Black Wind, Fire and Steel said...

Dear Anonymous

Ill Detectivity! (is That Shit correct). What you may not be able to find out off a Private Investigator is all the Scoops about Manowar. That Music is the stuff of Lifetime Achievements in Journalistic Excellence, Nobel Prize of Realness, etc etc.

"THREE SONS HAVE I, AND THEY RIDE, BY MY SIDE! THE FIERCE, THE BLACK, AND THE WICKED ARE THEIR NAAAAAMES"

Now you're talking.

Kind Regards,
IOYC We Took A Warehouse That Was Destroyed By Fire and We Turned it Into Haus Wanfried.

7:56 AM  
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4:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, I was just considering whether I am making a big mistake leaving a life of patents to go live in Laos and/or other warm/developing countries but I guess the answer is pretty clear. I should stick to heat pumps.

7:16 AM  

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