Tuesday, July 12, 2005

ICY COLD SKI GLOVE

Yo - people are always asking me on the street (and in my own home) 'Hey, hi. What's the best way to relax I am so stressed right now AAARGH - FUCK!'.


'Stress, the silent killer' (See also Ninjas, Deafness etc)

This is a pretty tough question because everyone is really different / 'the spice of life'. But if there's one thing guaranteed to relax Everyone from All Walks of the Globe it's being cryogenically frozen for One Hundred Years.

I tried this just the other day and it was 'pretty sick' (in my own words). First of all you get frozen for One Hundred Years. Then you get thawed. It's that simple.

"WHY ISN'T EVERYBODY DOING THIS SHIT"

The painfully obvious answer is: money - it's Prohibitively expensive. How I got around this Prohibition is by just giving them an IOU or some shit. I felt that Filing this Story was so much more important than paying those scammy cryogenic bastards one single cent. It's not that I don't like them and their shit workmanship, they are just scammy bastards.

Those Scammy Bastards!


'Warning: Don't drive while Frozen etc'

Unfortunately they are so 'chasing after me with every resource at their disposal' right now. They could be driving over to my place with enough Military Ordinance to have a total fucking War of Attrition and that scares the shit out of me (but I'm also completely calm about it!).

So if you could just keep this to yourself and don't go blabbing everywhere like the world's worst blabbermouth.

[nb: if you're reading this Cryogenics dudes - suck shit! Hahaha Uh Oh, Hubris]

9 Comments:

Blogger thr said...

ha! If those Cryogenic dudes go to your old house, they are just gonna cop a load of abuse from Slipknot. How hard will that suck for them!! I'm not sure, but I bet it's quite a measurably large amount. They will probably think Slipknot are already frozen but walking about all fucked up. I guess being cyogenic dudes it won't freak them too much though, I bet they see that shit like everyday.

3:56 AM  
Blogger Adam said...

Mr IOYC,

If you need soldiers to 'defend the free universe against evil dudes and also save your life' we'll all pitch in. All you need to do is fly us from all over the world to your military base, train us up and supply us with tanks, stealth bombers and helmets.

All set sir, yes sir.

4:38 AM  
Anonymous The God of Willowdale said...

Haha you fucking uncool bastard, IOYC.

Still trying out cryogenically freezing? LAME!

What's next? An expose on pesto chicken?

Get with the (cool) times!

5:06 AM  
Blogger Adam said...

The god of "willowdale". That's that place that doesn't exist in Sydney. It's the evil michael, bill, sharron, mary, james person!! That dude is so evil.

11:28 PM  
Anonymous the god of willowdale said...

You don't know me

12:27 AM  
Blogger Book Book Cheep Cheep said...

Can you post while frozen or should I check back here when Cinderella wakes?

6:34 PM  
Blogger ms fits said...

Yeah, IOYC. Pesto chicken is for squares. DID YOU NOT READ THE LATEST EDITION OF GOURMET TRAVELLER.

6:55 PM  
Blogger Black Wind, Fire and Steel said...

Dear Y'All

Don't worry, I'm on top of all the options like a fucking tea cosy of organisation / 'Be Prepared' (motto of Scouts).

For those of you complaining about my taking like ONE WHOLE YEAR to File more Stories, just chill out! Maybe you need to be cryogenically frozen, 'good luck affording it' LOL.

Yours Sincerely,
IOYC Sugar Makes Many Foods More Enjoyable To Eat

5:30 AM  
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3:30 AM  

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