Monday, July 18, 2005


Hey - 'what's goin' down'?

Probably the most common question that weighs on me day and night is 'should I join the Scouts'. I even thought about it a lot on my Hiatus when I was meant to be in a state of Zen Oneness with the Universe or some shit. (NB: I was in this state for most of the Hiatus, there were just a few 'moments of weakness' where I fucked up and thought about things).

Now, I'm all in favour of Scouts, I think they are a good organisation. Almost 'fucking awesome' in so many respects. Where the hell else are you going to learn how to:

1. Read a Map
2. Fight for your life and freedom against an implacable enemy of Droids
3. Become a member of Scouts


You're feeling the sophistication of my arguments. Like a FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH!

'I'll take Questions from the Floor, Motherfuckers!!'

Back to Scouts - I have two problems that stop this from being a fait accompli (HOLY SHIT). First up I am just too old for that shit. I mean, it's for kids. What was I thinking (just seconds ago)!! Secondly, I'm worried about the abuse of kids in Scouts. Beatings, Slave Labour, 'subtle mental intimidation techniques undermining fragile developing sense of self' etc.

Wait up, the first one cancels out the second. I'm getting a badge so quick!? Damn, Scouts is already encouraging me to be competitive but also boost my 'personal motivation'.


Blogger Adam said...

I would like to take this opportunity to shout out about Cubs. Cubs are little Scouts (younger, not miniature) and I personally was a Cub. I can always pick who else was a Cub because they nearly aways stand taller with bags more confidence.

During my time as a Cub I learnt:

1. How to set marshmallows on fire with the help of Fire.
2. How to sleep in cabins at a campsite.

You can't learn that stuff just anywhere, not the Army, not Scouts, not Reality TV, not even mega expensive Group Bonding Country Clinics for Corporates.

11:29 PM  
Blogger Black Wind, Fire and Steel said...

Dear Adam

That sounds pretty fucked up. Are you okay?

Kind Regards,
IOYC Straddles Both Sides of the Political Spectrum

11:18 AM  
Blogger Adam said...

Crap! I forgot about the first two rules of Cubs. Forget what I said, it doesn't actually exist...

3:39 PM  
Blogger Adam said...

P.S) I have been asked to tell you in a calm and reassuring voice "Yes IOYC, I am perfectly okay. No harm befell me during my time with Cubs (plus they don't exist) and no harm will befall my family once I tell you this."

11:40 PM  
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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bog Blogger Bob says...

Came here by chance. (Me too.) What I learned in Cub Scouts was:

1. How to not be afraid to be what I am.

What I learned in Boy Scouts was:

1. How to survive my own life successfully.

2. How to help others do likewise.

B. B. Bob

8:20 AM  

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