Monday, June 06, 2005

YET MORE ADVERTISING OF PRODUCTS

But don't be like "this Web Site SUCKS now, it's all ads". Because firstly, there's like two ads or some shit, PLUS / secondly, this is almost the Scoop of the Century.

Hundreds of people are wondering why they just don't feel Harmonised all the time. It's entered the popular culture, in conversations such as:

Person 1: 'What's wrong with you today'.

Person 2: (doesn't respond)

That's about as far from Harmonised as you can get. The saddest thing is that nobody knew how to Harmonise a person. Not even Musical Wizards.

Until now (recently). Check out Doctor John Beaulieu N.D., Ph.D, the founder of BioSonic Enterprises.


'I can afford this many Tuning Forks because I am LOADED'

Doctor 'Johnny B' says:

"I sat in an anechoic chamber for five hundred hours over a period of two years and listened to the sounds of my own body. Then one day I brought two tuning forks and tapped them. Immediately I observed that the sound of my nervous system came into resonance with the sound of the tuning forks. It was then I realized that people can be tuned like musical instruments!"

"BLAOW!!"

Haha, word. Check THIS:



DNA TUNING FORKS

"These aluminum tuning forks create the ratio of 8 to 13--a new sonic relationship to be found on the planet. These tuning forks express the phi ratio, which some believe to be the ratio of love. They represent an outer octave of the sacred spiral. When sounded together they have a most unique effect: some hear angels singing, others become aware of light being encoded in the physical and etheric. Others feel their consciousness spiraling. Still others feel a gateway opening. Health professionals who have experimented with these tuning forks have found they balance the left and right hemispheres of the brain and induce deep states of tranquility. Other professionals indicate they can balance and align the chakras. Still others believe that they actually create balance on a sub-atomic levels and can actual activate new aspects of the DNA helix."

"ARE YOU JUST MAKING THIS SHIT UP"

This is all over Doctors, Medics, Nurses, Surgery, Mathematicians etc, they are talking about nothing else.

Just imagine how good it would be, to go 'Buuuunnng' with both of those forks and basically Harmonise every single element of your DNA with the Universe, INSTANTLY. This is like, the biggest thing to happen in Science since the invention of the Zodiac.

NB: PLEASE do not try and do this shit with normal eating forks.

7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

IOYC, your journalistic chops are nonpareil. The boys in the 'Press Room' are obviously jealous of your top-shelf investigative work and are sending pure, naked hatred your way 'cos that's the only way their fragile psyches can cope (NB. I am a student of the human condition).

Can you recommend a journalism course for others who will do whatever it takes to be just like you?

7:39 PM  
Anonymous hilsar said...

Two words which are oft repeated when it comes to the Scoops on IOYC:

"Dude, Fuck!"

Keep ramming it home, Doctor.

10:19 PM  
Blogger Black Wind, Fire and Steel said...

Dear Dudes / Hi

These are some 'right on' comments. In answer to the question about Journalism, the basic thing is you just have to fucking be totally all over the Scoops and 'GO NUTS'.

Kind Regards,
IOYC Waste Management (A Company Limited By Guarantee)

5:10 AM  
Blogger Bill said...

I sometimes question the accuracy of your "reports".

6:19 AM  
Blogger Black Wind, Fire and Steel said...

Dear Bill

This shit is so accurate it hurts my brain. So I can see how you might have trouble with it. Rest assured I wouldn't ever fuck up for even one second. So my standard are like, super high.

I hope that answers your question.

Best Wishes,
IOYC & Co. Constructors Pty Ltd

8:09 AM  
Blogger ms fits said...

I can never think of anything fucking funny enough to say in your comments.

I hate you. And myself, a bit. In a love way.

8:09 AM  
Blogger Black Wind, Fire and Steel said...

Dear Ms

Don't be down! I'm just super pumped that you continue to buy this Publication, it really means a lot. Even though it's completely free and basically not even a publication, so like 'This isn't correct'.

Cheers,
IOYC Playing Cops and Robbers? (WTF?)

8:08 AM  

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