Sunday, July 22, 2007

ANNUAL REPORT FINANCIAL YEAR 06/07

We are fucking stoked to announce what can only be described as the most engrossing year in all of our Company's history. Our Balance Sheet has been the talk of the market, with much whispering behind closed doors and passing of notes in the Tea House ie speculation. Full credit to CFO Andrew Harbours, he smashed it up big time. Love you bro.




IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE PROPHECY AND RELEVANT PROVISIONS OF THE CORPORATIONS ACT HANDED DOWN BY HIS MAJESTY THE KING I PRESENT TO YOU HEREUNDER THE RESULTS OF OUR EPIC STRUGGLE TO UPHOLD THE HIGHEST FIDUCIARY STANDARD

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Poultry:

Cock Soup is up by 47% on last year. Projected margins on Cock Soup indicate that it will be even better in the future, due to unbearable demand. Proposed rights issue will finance more Cock products to launch in the next quarter.

Hand Lotions:

As a result of cutbacks in the Finger sector, we have turned profits up to a magnificent 8.5%. We are now so in the black it is actually racist to think about it. Everyone in the whole Lotions division got these really huge bonuses. Damn.

Pork Belly:

Ain't nobody buying this shit.

Graphs:

Our Graphing team delivered some red hot results this season. As at June the number of graphs produced is as follows:


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5 Comments:

Blogger Jobe said...

I reckon that last graph was jsut to make quota.

Also, don't hate on pork belly. That shit is quite possibly also known as God's belly.

4:17 AM  
Blogger that's mister nora to you, sonny said...

Dude, this is possibly the most compliant Annual Report of the whole fucking season. Many happy (tax?) returns.

xoxo nora

5:21 PM  
Blogger Black Wind, Fire and Steel said...

Dear Jobe,

With that attitude you could be so in charge of a Dynamic Sales Team. OTE is fucking out of control on this shit.

Dear Sonny,

It's pretty goddamn correct isn't it. Apparently it is all anyone is talking about down the Trading Floor. I wouldn't know because I am behind a Chinese Wall.

Kind Regards,

6:36 PM  
Blogger The Book Grocer said...

Excellent as ever.

9:24 PM  
Blogger Danny said...

If only tax returns were this easy.

8:48 PM  

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