Friday, April 20, 2007

FIRE IN A HOLE, HIKING IN THE SNOW

Check this diary of known Antarctic Explorer, Shackleton.

Day IVXLLMC

My childhood companion, Billy Stickers, has become seriously wounded in a fistfight we had in our tent. I didn't want to hurt him but he has been dropping so many L-Bombs on me, like a gooey-eyed "hey when are we going to marry, Shackleton", it's just not the place for it. I'll admit the atmosphere in these cramped surroundings has been pretty fucking romantic. Even I, Shackleton, have felt crazy aroused at certain points. But if Billy Stickers continues with this shit I might possibly give up on my mission to find the Magnet of the South.

I am starting to wish I had just gone to Torremolinos.


Day VLLMCXI

I, Shackleton, and Billy Stickers have been discussing names for our new babies. Here is our list:

BOY NAMES

Ice Cold Derek
Frombert
Terry Latino, PhD

GIRL NAMES

I Wish You Were A Boy
Alan
Terry Latino, PhD


Day KLXXMIC

I straight up ate B. Stickers because we ran out of food. I sure hope nobody finds this signed confession.


Signed,
Shackleton.


-------


"One summer, I watched a group of caterpillar eating a birch tree right outside my door. I thought a pair of them would make a perfect mustache. It was a difficult photo shoot, since they kept trying to crawl up my nose and also had trouble sticking to my face. Applying honey to my upper lip (my mother's suggestion) helped a great deal. Crossdressing, as an act that is generally thought of as highly unnatural act, transpires here using entirely natural materials."


Self-Portrait as Sir Ernest Shackleton
C-print, 6 x 8 inches, 2002

12 Comments:

Blogger Yubris said...

Isn't it entirely appropriate then that Putin felt it necessary to freeze Yeltsin in time with his incredible arm strength?

I'm feeling at least 50% positive about him right now!

6:11 PM  
Anonymous Billy Stickers said...

I have forgiven you and I still love you.

10:41 PM  
Blogger Black Wind, Fire and Steel said...

Dear B. Stickers

Your message gives me a great Warmth in my Cockles, but also a sense of really bad Tragedy as it will never reach its intended recipient, Shackleton.

He died in 1922 of a hideous plague.

Kind Regards,

5:57 PM  
Blogger Jobe said...

Whoa! A haunting message from the death on a blog of all places.

Call Guiness!

8:45 PM  
Blogger Fluffy said...

favourite post ever.

x

12:25 AM  
Anonymous Billy stickers said...

oh.

thanks anyway.

1:32 AM  
Blogger Black Wind, Fire and Steel said...

Dear As A Cat

Your message gives me a great Warmth in my Cockles (see above).

Dear B. Stickers

No problem! With such a calm attitude to the Vicissitudes of Life I am sure you may soon find a new Companion even doper than known diarist, Shackleton.

Dear Jobe and Yubris

Included for completeness.

Kind Regards,

2:00 AM  
Blogger GoAwayPlease said...

The sadnes in the face ... is so sad.

and the collective noun for
"I watched a group of caterpillar eating a birch tree"

could be
'a procession of caterpillars'.

11:42 PM  
Blogger Black Wind, Fire and Steel said...

Dear Please

There is fuck all happy about the story of that doomed adventurer, Shackleton.

I think the sadness of the dude / chick is entirely appropriate. In fact it gives me a great Warmth in my Cockles (see above).

Kind Regards,

1:40 AM  
Anonymous Billy Stickers said...

can someone tell me who I can see about some flowers for Shackleton's ancestors?

this is the only place I know to look.

10:23 PM  
Blogger Black Wind, Fire and Steel said...

Dear B. Stickers

Such a heartfelt gesture gives me a great Warmth in my Cockles (see above).

Based on my knowledge of Psychology [fucking unbelievable], I think it would have been severaly appreciated by that long-departed explorer, Shackleton.

Kind Regards,

1:26 AM  
Blogger The Book Grocer said...

Is there any danger of this blog ever getting updated?

It's a cache of humour in the bitter months.

8:54 AM  

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