UNLEASH THE WOLVES
So I just finished eating the hell out of this Madeleine biscuit my Mother prepared earlier and kindly delivered to my room on a tea-tray what the fuck was she doing in my house.
Most people will do this every single day of their lives but there was something special about this confection, something 'bloody magical'.. No bullshit there was almost music coming out of it - like a radio.
The scent of it provoked all these emotions I didn't even know I had, eg:
- Fear of Contracts
- Nonchalance
- Urge for more biscuits (Borderline Uncontrollable)
and finally,
- Whimsical Reverie
Check it:
INCIDENT FROM EARLY CHILDHOOD
LORD VOLDEMORT stands poised above a little crib, twirling his wand all over the place and incanting. He grows frustrated as spells rebound into walls & ors.
LORD VOLDEMORT: He bears that fucking mark, it's why I cannot kill him!!
HARRY POTTER: Gurgle or whatever (baby talk).
SOME MUGGLE: (Bursting in) Hey what the fuck is going on in here you pasty lizard.
LORD VOLDEMORT: (incanting) CONFABULOL kekeke >_<
The muggle fucks up pretty badly.
Lord Voldemort turns back to finish his awful task.
but,
POTTER IS GONE
LORD VOLDEMORT: (incanting) OH THIS IS SOME STRAIGHT UP BULLSHIT RIGHT HERE.
-----
Your childhood probably looks like a boring piece of shit compared to this.
Most people will do this every single day of their lives but there was something special about this confection, something 'bloody magical'.. No bullshit there was almost music coming out of it - like a radio.
The scent of it provoked all these emotions I didn't even know I had, eg:
- Fear of Contracts
- Nonchalance
- Urge for more biscuits (Borderline Uncontrollable)
and finally,
- Whimsical Reverie
Check it:
INCIDENT FROM EARLY CHILDHOOD
LORD VOLDEMORT stands poised above a little crib, twirling his wand all over the place and incanting. He grows frustrated as spells rebound into walls & ors.
LORD VOLDEMORT: He bears that fucking mark, it's why I cannot kill him!!
HARRY POTTER: Gurgle or whatever (baby talk).
SOME MUGGLE: (Bursting in) Hey what the fuck is going on in here you pasty lizard.
LORD VOLDEMORT: (incanting) CONFABULOL kekeke >_<
The muggle fucks up pretty badly.
Lord Voldemort turns back to finish his awful task.
but,
POTTER IS GONE
LORD VOLDEMORT: (incanting) OH THIS IS SOME STRAIGHT UP BULLSHIT RIGHT HERE.
-----
Your childhood probably looks like a boring piece of shit compared to this.
4 Comments:
Yeah.
I was raised by bears, all day long scratching our backs on rocks, so many days spent eating honey coated baby hands, no XBox during hibernation. It was pretty chilled but also more boring as the next commenter's childhood.
You're funny. If you happen to live in Melbourne, I'd like to take you out on a date.
PS, I'm a girl. I hope this works in my favour.
My childhood was certainly more boring than what you have just described.
I'm now torn - many thanks to you - between feelings of envy, admiration and what I can only describe as "over it already". (Actually, probably gently leaning towards the "over it" one.)
Regardless, I will no doubt continue to follow your adventures/recollections with curiosity.
Ever been to space?
Dear Anonymous
HOLY FUCKING AWW SHUCKS etc.
Dear Matt
I am so glad you are managing to leave that residue of your past behind, such an important Life Skill, just imagine what the future will hold, probably some shit so fucking explosive it would hurt to think of.
Kind Regards,
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