Monday, October 16, 2006

DENTIST'S MAD HE SAYS MY WORDS ABUSE MY MOUTH

Slow News Day, thought I'd try my Learned Hand at a historic romance. Download this over a massive LAN, if you want to get 'Powned' by Feelings:


The Captain Hath Returned
A Timeless Story of Feelings by IOYC Dingleberry, Esq


SCENE 1: A County Fairground



LADY COMMODORE: Hey - hi, you'll never fucking guess - The Captain Hath Returned!

LADY SCARBOROO: No shit bro, I have so many unrequited Feelings of that Captain, but I can't ever say them, due to Restraint.

L. COMMODORE: Haha - suck shit.

L. SCARBOROO: PLEASE can you show me to my Chaise I think I have the Vapours or some shit and require a big Tonic.

L. COMMODORE: How big?

L. SCARBOROO: Really, pretty big.

L. COMMODORE: No shit eh.

-----

SCENE 2: Int. A Stablehand's Modest Quarters

L. COMMODORE: Oh dearest Stablehand, if only you weren't fucked of Servant Class, I would love to marry you.



STABLEHAND: MEGA SIGH, I suppose I'll soon contract Tuberculosis.

MANSERVANT: [Entering Rapidly] THE CAPTAIN HATH RETURNED Milady!!

A fight ensues.

L. COMMODORE: Oh dear I hope somebody bought like 450 litres of Tonic.

-----

SCENE 3: Int. Gosford Park or similar

Gathered round are some Ladies in Waiting, various Manservants, fanning and playing cards and shit.

THE CAPTAIN enters.




MEGA PAUSE.






Captain: I Hath Returned.

Tonic just pretty much sprays out the fucking walls.

---------------



What do you think? I reckon it really 'captures the moment'.

7 Comments:

Blogger meva said...

I can see a huge movie rights war bursting out immediately. It WILL be the hit of summer '08. No shit.

7:43 PM  
Blogger la nadine said...

alright, alright, i'm glad you hath returned.

i'll stop feigning indifference and pretending its all about me now.

8:01 PM  
Anonymous Raylene said...

On a Scalia of 1 to 10, your Learned Hand is pretty much Coke-ing with gas, if Alito bit too racy to read while garDenning.

Props to my(Wendall) Holmes - go eat a Frankfurter.

9:34 PM  
Blogger Adam said...

No Actual Dentist in Story = Yawn.

10:11 PM  
Blogger Black Wind, Fire and Steel said...

Dear Raylene

I think I just blew a Second or even Ninth Circuit with how fucking ill that shit was / is.

Kind Regards,

7:22 AM  
Blogger Dave Mack said...

The captain was a good man

1:47 AM  
Blogger ilse said...

Jean Grae ref and Princess Bride flick, not bad.

9:08 PM  

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