DENTIST'S MAD HE SAYS MY WORDS ABUSE MY MOUTH
Slow News Day, thought I'd try my Learned Hand at a historic romance. Download this over a massive LAN, if you want to get 'Powned' by Feelings:
The Captain Hath Returned
A Timeless Story of Feelings by IOYC Dingleberry, Esq
SCENE 1: A County Fairground
LADY COMMODORE: Hey - hi, you'll never fucking guess - The Captain Hath Returned!
LADY SCARBOROO: No shit bro, I have so many unrequited Feelings of that Captain, but I can't ever say them, due to Restraint.
L. COMMODORE: Haha - suck shit.
L. SCARBOROO: PLEASE can you show me to my Chaise I think I have the Vapours or some shit and require a big Tonic.
L. COMMODORE: How big?
L. SCARBOROO: Really, pretty big.
L. COMMODORE: No shit eh.
-----
SCENE 2: Int. A Stablehand's Modest Quarters
L. COMMODORE: Oh dearest Stablehand, if only you weren't fucked of Servant Class, I would love to marry you.
STABLEHAND: MEGA SIGH, I suppose I'll soon contract Tuberculosis.
MANSERVANT: [Entering Rapidly] THE CAPTAIN HATH RETURNED Milady!!
A fight ensues.
L. COMMODORE: Oh dear I hope somebody bought like 450 litres of Tonic.
-----
SCENE 3: Int. Gosford Park or similar
Gathered round are some Ladies in Waiting, various Manservants, fanning and playing cards and shit.
THE CAPTAIN enters.
MEGA PAUSE.
Captain: I Hath Returned.
Tonic just pretty much sprays out the fucking walls.
---------------
What do you think? I reckon it really 'captures the moment'.
The Captain Hath Returned
A Timeless Story of Feelings by IOYC Dingleberry, Esq
SCENE 1: A County Fairground
LADY COMMODORE: Hey - hi, you'll never fucking guess - The Captain Hath Returned!
LADY SCARBOROO: No shit bro, I have so many unrequited Feelings of that Captain, but I can't ever say them, due to Restraint.
L. COMMODORE: Haha - suck shit.
L. SCARBOROO: PLEASE can you show me to my Chaise I think I have the Vapours or some shit and require a big Tonic.
L. COMMODORE: How big?
L. SCARBOROO: Really, pretty big.
L. COMMODORE: No shit eh.
-----
SCENE 2: Int. A Stablehand's Modest Quarters
L. COMMODORE: Oh dearest Stablehand, if only you weren't fucked of Servant Class, I would love to marry you.
STABLEHAND: MEGA SIGH, I suppose I'll soon contract Tuberculosis.
MANSERVANT: [Entering Rapidly] THE CAPTAIN HATH RETURNED Milady!!
A fight ensues.
L. COMMODORE: Oh dear I hope somebody bought like 450 litres of Tonic.
-----
SCENE 3: Int. Gosford Park or similar
Gathered round are some Ladies in Waiting, various Manservants, fanning and playing cards and shit.
THE CAPTAIN enters.
MEGA PAUSE.
Captain: I Hath Returned.
Tonic just pretty much sprays out the fucking walls.
---------------
What do you think? I reckon it really 'captures the moment'.
7 Comments:
I can see a huge movie rights war bursting out immediately. It WILL be the hit of summer '08. No shit.
alright, alright, i'm glad you hath returned.
i'll stop feigning indifference and pretending its all about me now.
On a Scalia of 1 to 10, your Learned Hand is pretty much Coke-ing with gas, if Alito bit too racy to read while garDenning.
Props to my(Wendall) Holmes - go eat a Frankfurter.
No Actual Dentist in Story = Yawn.
Dear Raylene
I think I just blew a Second or even Ninth Circuit with how fucking ill that shit was / is.
Kind Regards,
The captain was a good man
Jean Grae ref and Princess Bride flick, not bad.
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