Saturday, May 06, 2006

THE HISTORY OF MY HIP-HOP IS TOO DEEP TO BE DISSECTED, PROBABLY

So all I hear these days is some bullshit of Tom Hanks unlocking the Da Vinci Code. It's on every billboard within walking distance of my Temporary Replacement Windmill, cops are pulling people over and shooting them for not praising it, I'm pretty sure I saw Reincarnated Gandhi just shitting himself with hope about how good it might be (adaptation).

"I'D SELL MY CHILDS TO WATCH IT"

You probably would, and I'd buy them (£2,000?). The thing is I am so dubious about the Historical Events enacted in the Da Vinci Code, and so I set out to find out with pinpoint accuracy whether they are correct. Here's how it went down, transcribed:

DAY ONE
IOYC in Ancient Hebrew
"So yeah, here we are in the Birthplace of that ole Lamb of God - what's up, Bethlehem. It seems there is little to no Historical Evidence around here, but shitloads of dudes with chilled out Halva for sale. Give me some of it, now."

DAY TWO
IOYC en route to Cambria
"Man, fuck this journey off, lucky I brought like 60 iPod Nanos to give to people to massage me ALL OVER (my feet)."

DAY THREE
British Museum of Da Vinci Materials
"That Lion is SO FUCKING ILL, WTF no photography --> SKETCH PAD"

DAY FOUR
Gay Paree
"Pretty sweet Louvre you have here, how much do you want for it? Je M'Appelle, 'Le Motherfucking Realness?'".

Pretty shit expedition all round. If only I had access to the 'can-do' attitute of Lord Richard Branson (TM).


'If you got a problem // Yo I'll solve it --> possibly by purchasing it'.

Stay tuned for the next instalment when all will be revealed.*





* Editor's note: LOL as if I have an Editor

13 Comments:

Blogger Jobe said...

Maybe you could start with Gandhi's kids and keep trading shit until you have something that Paris will want to trade for (Barry Manilow box set?).

5:09 AM  
Blogger Yubris said...

'Check out my book // While my PAs revolve it (ie, by circulating it on a budget flight in exchange for food/mile-high)'

Will it eva stop (yo, I'm not sure).

5:24 PM  
Blogger Adam said...

Dear IOYC, I keep reading and rereading the Bible and Vanilla Ice nor Ice Cube are mentioned anywhere...

Have I fallen upon a conspiracy most fowl?

7:14 PM  
Blogger Jobe said...

Dear Adam,

Let me STEP IN HERE to avoid you looking ignorant. Whoa, too late? Probably!

Vanilla Ice and Ice Cube would NOT (I repeat, 4th Grade) be featured in any bibles as they are too new school.

Think Kool Herc, Grandmaster Flash, Melle Mel, Grandwizard Theodore, etc.

5:08 AM  
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6:47 PM  
Anonymous tim said...

Heyo I-O!

Perhaps I can be your editor?

I have "dissected" your post and have found one spelling mistake.

Can YOU find it?

8:45 PM  
Blogger Dave Mack said...

^if only surgeons would take that approach it would be a whole lot funnier.

"I've located one ruptured spleen in your body. Can YOU find it?"

8:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

dave mack, there is only one spleen per body...???

8:40 PM  
Blogger Dave Mack said...

yeah. but do you know what yours looks like?

11:57 AM  
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is this you jasper??
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