Sunday, April 30, 2006

STYLES BEYOND AVERAGE

Yo, like 'Good Morning'.

I tell you what's difficult these days, dressing in a way that explains to the General Public your own personal realness. People are approaching me (pretty warily) saying like 'Ayo IOYC, which Hat / Denim / Furious Axe of Destiny should I wield to Hillary's Garden Soiree or whatever'. What am I, some kind of Agony Aunt? (NB: I would probably be fucking good at this). I think it's because the Fashion Police are everywhere, ratting on their neighbours through a network of informants just like we were behind the Iron Curtain of Ancient Prussia.


'No Shit'

So to save precious time I made up a compendium of basically heaps of bullshit, read it if you want, sif I care I'm so busy making plans for things that will happen in the future to even give two shits about the present.

IOYC'S GUIDE TO WEARING, FOR THE MODERN DUDE / CHICK

HAIR: Should be worn Short, with a hint of anger and some big fat trimmings. Inspiration for this season is from the Indonesian Martial Art of Silat, now defunct (beaten by Kung Fu).

SHOE: Ayo fuck a shoe, just wear a Sandal that says 'Hey - if you fuck with me I will forcibly take off this Sandal and cram it straight into your eye sockets, then we'll see (or more accurately you will NOT see) who is fucking with who'.

INK: Everyone should have a big tatt of say a stick of Gelignite exploding into a million pieces.

What's Hot For 2006

- Dressing as a Theme
- Tuning an Instrument
- A Desolate Wasteland inhabited only by The Wretched of the Earth

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What do you think about all of this? Don't shit me by just reprinting it on the cover of every single damn magazine like some childish prank.

6 Comments:

Blogger Yubris said...

Also hot:

COFFIN: A light-tan wood (pine is the new oak), wrapped in a flag and with someone's name on it (preferably NOT YOUR OWN)

10:11 PM  
Anonymous Jude said...

I beg to differ. The style which is currently all-conquering (among those on the street, who know) is a melding of fabrics and tones inspired by the regional victorian town of Ballarat.

Accessories deriving from the common cold are also still 'in'. But not for much longer - regional civic centres are totally Warrnambool at the moment, due to their increased growth rate compared to the rest of the state, and the new and exciting opportunities that are opening up there for the youth of today to fully get down.

Cheers,

jude

(Caveat - the writer does not in fact endorse or otherwise encourage 'Getting Down' in any sense whatsoever. Be regional, people)

10:54 PM  
Blogger that's mister nora to you, sonny said...

Jude, I would go so far as to say that The Fashion nowadays reaches beyond regional civic centres and stretches its tentacles like, all over rural and remote communities also.

EXHIBIT A: The "Yass Hat" (PLEASE NOTE THE Y) that I am currently wearing.

I'd be totally "where it's at", if I weren't so far ahead.

xoxo nora

11:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HOT:
the sun,
tea (hot),
cuban heels (smouldering pile of).

NOT:
Ice (vanilla),
Slush Puppies (old skool), Penguin's tears (pendants from Argos).

6:41 AM  
Blogger FLEX said...

Everyone says shit like "oh your butt looks so hot in those jeans" etc.

Solution - cut a whole out the back so that your ass is all exposed and can cool down.

8:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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8:11 AM  

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