Tuesday, May 30, 2006


Hey - hi!

I don't think it's impolite for me to say that this Web Page has been 1 Billion Billion times better than anything else that has ever happened. I'll admit, sometimes this Year of being a card-carrying Journalism Graduand has been like smushing Shit Creek up with a Paddle. Other times it has been so fucking dope it's like if you could turn into an Eagle and just fly around dropping massive Fecal Samples on dudes and chicks that suck.


Some of the reactions I have received from the General Public include:

1. 85 x Pulitzer Prize
2. A Boat, some other boats
3. First Born Childs (Heads)
4. A pretty nice Quiche which I just fucking chucked out, could have been poisoned
5. Tickets to an Arena

Unfortunately, it is time for me to retire AGAIN, but this time in a manner of finality. There will be more Journalism taking place in the future, elsewhere, but it will likely be so different as to be unrecognisably fucking awesomee.


Don't worry, it's not like I think you are a fucking weakling for your outburst. I once cried when 85 Bulls trampled on my face for a day. Maybe console yourself with a giant Magnet?

I would like to thank all of the influential people who take the works of English and force it through an Idiotic Dick Machine, to further the cause of fact-finding. There's a massive List of them, right here where I can look at it if I want. Also friends etc, LARGE SHOUT OUT, so many of them / you.

Now I'm off 'on my merry way' to post a letter and make a payment to a Bank.

Probably eat a biscuit if I can be fucked with the Cupboard, stupid fucking Cupboard.


'Protons Electrons Always Cause Explosions'


Anonymous tex martini said...

Am gutted. Yours was a true shining light, succeeding where other blogs sucked. I am taking the rest of the day off work to drive my Chevy to the levy.

6:32 PM  
Blogger Yubris said...

Tis a black day and I'm not just talking about the fog.

Rest In Piecemeal (blog postings).

7:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

is there anything we can do to convince you to keep writing for us?
more gifts?
offers of free shit?
threats of physical or emotional violence?

9:56 PM  
Blogger la nadine said...


in a metaphorical non-dead way.


12:06 AM  
Blogger Alex said...


2:59 AM  
Anonymous tantrik said...

IOYC, you've retired more times than the Pope has ridden down Vatican Boulevarde in that silly modified limo, more times than crocs have eaten peoples in the far north of Australia, even more times than I've seen the Paris Hilton penetration video!
Surely you jest yet again?

5:33 AM  
Blogger FLEX said...

Bullshit! You're not throwing in the towel now! We need that championship belt!

6:54 AM  
Blogger hell said...

what a day to die... i mean retire... i mean move on...

1:07 AM  
Blogger nicholas said...

Where's my fucking free door cheaparse?

4:43 AM  
Blogger Dave Mack said...


I've have shown your blog to numerous people in tha last millenia and 99.9% percent of them died from awesome overdose. I hate you for this. Good luck with future conquests.

Check you in another realm like whut!

6:21 AM  
Blogger ms fits said...

Cease the cheap threats, you two-bit whore.

7:48 AM  
Anonymous Cleaver said...

You and John Farnham, huh?

7:34 PM  
Blogger that's mister nora to you, sonny said...

Dear IOYC,


Unless, like, you have some good reason (i.e. disease/death/lower back pain/traditional nomadic lifestyle/rodents on your computer/etc).

Either way, like the bible says:
"Stay safe, bro."

xoxo nora

6:57 PM  
Blogger sahara said...

say it isn't so!

5:55 AM  
Blogger Bruce said...

You and John Farnham, huh?

This will be the last time,
The last time like the last time,
The last time like the next time,
The last time like forever!

Just as long as someone puts a sock in Farnham's mouth, I can handle the grief.

4:28 AM  
Blogger Adam said...

Is there a Postal Box that I can address this "Wish you weren't freakin' retired, goddammit" card? It has many signatures and a gift worth approximately $46.50.

10:10 PM  
Blogger Black Wind, Fire and Steel said...

Dear All Y'All

1. Thanks for extending me the Glorious Hand of Compliments. Except those making with Insulting Jibes, do you really wish to Wrassle with this? Like a baby jumping into the Lion's Den or some shit, the Den is full of Lions, they don't care about anything, and you're just a defenceless baby! Way to think things through.

2. I only retired one other time, stop making out as if this is some bullshit of the Boy Who Cried Like An Ashamed Wolf.

3. All gifts can be sent to:

C/- Probably Just Around the Place
Chilling-a-Bit, Eating, 90210.

4. You can't hug Childs with Nuclear Arms. But you can certainly blow them right the fuck up.

Kind Regards,
IOYC Twist Characters Like Twist Characters

8:06 PM  
Blogger ilse said...


8:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm terribly sorry, but I've been away for awhile. Can somebody please inform me of the outcome of the Hermanus Whale Festival? Who won?
Thank you so much.

5:19 AM  
Blogger Log said...

Well, just fuck. I need consolation. Hold me, Bruce. Actually, I'm just pretending to be upset so Bruce holds me. There are two reasons me and Bruce should get together a) he looks like he would throw me around in a nice way, and b) Thursdays would be meatloaf day

I always get really gay at funerals. I'm one of those people that climbs into the box. And hammers away like an 18-stone hummingbird.

7:53 AM  
Blogger sublime-ation said...


there must be more...

*starts slow clapping end of the movie return of the geek turned popular driving in in a convertible style*

6:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

off my screen . . . but still on my mind.

11:24 AM  
Blogger LittleMissS said...

you are too good to do this to us.

at least let us know where we can read more, poolside, in future.

come back.


2:00 PM  
Anonymous Genny B said...

Devo, gutted, spewin', spitting chips etc.......

9:34 PM  
Anonymous Citizen j said...

wThe candle which burns at both ends burns brightest at one end before both burn quickerest and then you'll fucking wish you'd just lit one end, huh? I'm c/p all your blog are belong to Sony BMG.




6:29 AM  
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8:11 PM  

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