Monday, September 18, 2006

METAL MAKES US STRONG, TOGETHER WE BELONG

I've been catching up on Relationships. This is some new frontier of Journalism to try out, because normally I am only focussed on the most hard hitting shit ever, not leaving the razor sharp world of Facts for one split second.

"NO SHIT PAL"

There is such a fucking pot-pourri of information out there on like 'How to Meet a Perfect Dude / Chick incl For Gay', seems like everyone is talking about it. I've been especially enamoured of 'modern advice', on like, where to shop / clothes for attracting the Greatest Mate, how to not fuck up in Conversation ('Hi - I am recently a Murderer of Childs'), what's up with Intercourse and so on.


'Don't turn around'

Let's throw open the lines:

Dear IOYC,
I recently became heartbroken when my Wife decided to leave me for the Cloth. How can I conceivably smash up the Lord, in this scenario.

Signed,
Hurting in San Francisco


Dear Hurting
I'm afraid you are fucked up now. The Lord simply cuts the fuck out of lunches all day long like it's nothing, which is probably true, for Him. I guess console yourself if you want on some 'she's in a better place' shit.

Dear IOYC,
How do I get a Man to like me? I think I am pretty sweet.

Signed,
Pretty Sweet


Dear Sweet,
For starters, probably a good thing to do is simply run up and scream the lyrics to a Song right in his / its face, make it a love song, something like 'Theme of Beaches' should do the trick.

Dear IOYC,
Should I obtain a Wedding Certificate, or just 'one ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them' or similar, in a Church.

Signed,
Confused


Dear Confused,
Your question makes fuck all sense bro. Lay off the crack.


Ok - this is fucking exhausting. Back to Facts.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Raylene said...

Nothing to contribute but an altruistic desire to make Yubris seem like less of a simpering fanboy than he in fact is by denying him the first comment.

5:24 PM  
Blogger Adam said...

I support raylene's 'grand plan to make the boys cry'/kick Yubris in the nuts comments-wise by pretending to do good by him.

Also, I feel I should comment on the excellent work IOYC did on Dealing with Emotions:

8.5

6:55 PM  

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