Tuesday, March 21, 2006

THE MARRIAGE OF CADMUS AND HARMONY FOR CHILDS

Get this, imagine if you were just a Sweet Innocent Baby, nothing to read, saving up $$$ for your future so diligently but yet thinking "I wish there was some Book I could read to make time go faster until I grow up to be fucking ill".

So I took to crafting a Work for Childs, see what you think, maybe read it to a Child if you want. You might need to scream it as it's a pretty quiet Work. It's so Grecian, this Work, can you handle it?


'Hector of Ancient Greece (in Dog form)'
We found out by accident most of the things that Hector could do. I only scratched the surface of the stories and the games we used to play with Hector. There are so many things that he knew and we only saw a fraction of it.

THE MARRIAGE OF CADMUS AND HARMONY FOR CHILDS
As narrated by Well-Known Childs' Author, IOYC S Lewis or Similar

"Once in Ancient Trojia lived a weary old dude of Cadmus, he was like, 'Man it is lonesome here in Trojia, if only I could find myself a suitable Bride and also what of Platonic Ideals'. Luckily for Cadmus there also lived a pretty ill chick (HINT: Harmony) just around the corner in Crete, thinking along similar lines, only shit thing is she was imprisoned by Minotaurs. After years of not much, Cadmus straight up went to Crete and rescued Harmony from her fate, people were pumped about it but tried to keep a lid on things, so Hellenic decorous. They decided 'let's completely marry' --> sounds dope but bad news because Harmony soon died of C. Elegans Infestation. Cadmus exclaimed 'Oh for fuck's sake, fuck this off, are you Toying with me Ye Gods, what of Platonic Ideals, is everything really this shit'. The Gods straight up lightninged him for that insolence.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Probly best to just hang out and eat a Pear."

I'm aware that the language might be a bit Adult for Childs, in this Work. My theory here is that 'the bigger they are the harder they fall'. You might need to explain to your Childs about some of the concepts, especially if they have like, the biggest learning impairment ever.

20 Comments:

Blogger la nadine said...

YOU. ARE. A. FUCKING. GENIUS. BOY.

9:50 PM  
Blogger kiki said...

LOL!!!

OMFG ROFLMAO

i heart you jobe

1:13 AM  
Blogger that's mister nora to you, sonny said...

Can you also do Romans? Plutarch for Childs? My agent says with Romans + Cussing + Childs you could be on Panels doing Shows with JK Rowling/David Irving by April (June at the latest).

xoxo nora

3:53 AM  
Blogger Black Wind, Fire and Steel said...

Dear Y'all

1. It's pretty dope that you were into my Works for Childs La.

2. I think Jobe would so attest that I am not in fact him, even if we do eat similar foods.

3. I'm pretty down with the Bible if that's what you are getting at Mister, in fact, I fucking really dig Jonah and his ill Whale.

PS - It's like the Hammer of Thor has struck.

Kind Regards,
IOYC This is the Last Stop Passengers

4:47 AM  
Blogger Jobe said...

"I heart you jobe"

......thanks?

Totally inappropriate time to declare you love for me though. Or maybe you were saying it here hoping that I wouldn't see it? Like talking to the universe or some such.

IOYC: With literature like this out there I am no longer fearful of bring Childs into this world. Thanks!

12:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I read this post to my 2-year-old childs and am now concerned that he might have the biggest learning impairment of all time as he did not appear to understand it.

He is however quite happy to hang out and eat a pear, as long as he doesn't become captive to the pear industry or the like.

9:00 PM  
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8:50 PM  
Blogger la nadine said...

wow, i wish i had an "ice" blog.

you're so lucky, ioyc.

2:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love the Childs book IOYC.

Myself? I too am working on a book for Childs called Icarus and Daedalus Make Fun in the Sun.
Without giving away the plot, it's about a dope inventor who makes wings for himself and his son to escape from a no-fun Cretian prison (with minotaur guards to emphahsise NO FUN - geddit?).

The son, Iccy, is not down with the properties of wax and flies 93 million miles too close to the sun. I won't tell you what happens next but think 'MEMORIAL STATUE'.

Anyway, it has a happy ending because throughout the book I make Icarus to be like a petulant, impulsive dick. His death will a blessed relief to Childs everywhere.

3:26 PM  
Blogger Sherriff said...

That dog looks like he has no legs. I'm sure he uses his nose to smell though.

7:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I didn't want to be anon, by the way. There's something awry with the comments engine.

8:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

wait, this is confusing. So awry!

8:58 PM  
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3:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What is going on? Journalism doesn't take a holiday!

10:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think that Scott Arthus Edwards is a freaky cat.

"I'll sure put the word out about your site and I would appreciate any business you may send my"

I think he wants to eat your spawn IOYC. Don't trust his 1950s brogues. International evil is his game.

8:11 AM  
Blogger Black Wind, Fire and Steel said...

Dear Y'All

I am not taking a Holiday of Journalism, in fact I have some of the most cutting-edge Facts ever assembled at my disposal right now. If you could see them your eyes would probably explode out of your head like 'HOLY FUCK, I AM SO AMPED ON KNOWLEDGE RIGHT NOW --> LIKE A DICTIONARY'.

It's pretty ill that S.A.E. described my Web Page as a 'Progressive Talent'. It reminds me of the time some dope shit happened.

Kind Regards,
IOYC Cleats and Gators

8:32 AM  
Blogger Adam said...

If I don't get some Cleats and Gators soon I'm gonna do something about it!

9:58 PM  
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