SO THERE IT IS, GAME

Hey - hi!

I don't think it's impolite for me to say that this Web Page has been 1 Billion Billion times better than anything else that has ever happened. I'll admit, sometimes this Year of being a card-carrying Journalism Graduand has been like smushing Shit Creek up with a Paddle. Other times it has been so fucking dope it's like if you could turn into an Eagle and just fly around dropping massive Fecal Samples on dudes and chicks that suck.

"I CAN SO IDENTIFY WITH THAT"

Some of the reactions I have received from the General Public include:

1. 85 x Pulitzer Prize
2. A Boat, some other boats
3. First Born Childs (Heads)
4. A pretty nice Quiche which I just fucking chucked out, could have been poisoned
5. Tickets to an Arena

Unfortunately, it is time for me to retire AGAIN, but this time in a manner of finality. There will be more Journalism taking place in the future, elsewhere, but it will likely be so different as to be unrecognisably fucking awesomee.

"I'M WEEPING WITH TEARS RIGHT ABOUT NOW"

Don't worry, it's not like I think you are a fucking weakling for your outburst. I once cried when 85 Bulls trampled on my face for a day. Maybe console yourself with a giant Magnet?

Synopsis:
I would like to thank all of the influential people who take the works of English and force it through an Idiotic Dick Machine, to further the cause of fact-finding. There's a massive List of them, right here where I can look at it if I want. Also friends etc, LARGE SHOUT OUT, so many of them / you.

Now I'm off 'on my merry way' to post a letter and make a payment to a Bank.

Probably eat a biscuit if I can be fucked with the Cupboard, stupid fucking Cupboard.


KINDEST REGARDS,




'Protons Electrons Always Cause Explosions'

THE HISTORY OF MY HIP-HOP IS TOO DEEP TO BE DISSECTED, PROBABLY

So all I hear these days is some bullshit of Tom Hanks unlocking the Da Vinci Code. It's on every billboard within walking distance of my Temporary Replacement Windmill, cops are pulling people over and shooting them for not praising it, I'm pretty sure I saw Reincarnated Gandhi just shitting himself with hope about how good it might be (adaptation).

"I'D SELL MY CHILDS TO WATCH IT"

You probably would, and I'd buy them (£2,000?). The thing is I am so dubious about the Historical Events enacted in the Da Vinci Code, and so I set out to find out with pinpoint accuracy whether they are correct. Here's how it went down, transcribed:

DAY ONE
IOYC in Ancient Hebrew
"So yeah, here we are in the Birthplace of that ole Lamb of God - what's up, Bethlehem. It seems there is little to no Historical Evidence around here, but shitloads of dudes with chilled out Halva for sale. Give me some of it, now."

DAY TWO
IOYC en route to Cambria
"Man, fuck this journey off, lucky I brought like 60 iPod Nanos to give to people to massage me ALL OVER (my feet)."

DAY THREE
British Museum of Da Vinci Materials
"That Lion is SO FUCKING ILL, WTF no photography --> SKETCH PAD"

DAY FOUR
Gay Paree
"Pretty sweet Louvre you have here, how much do you want for it? Je M'Appelle, 'Le Motherfucking Realness?'".

Pretty shit expedition all round. If only I had access to the 'can-do' attitute of Lord Richard Branson (TM).


'If you got a problem // Yo I'll solve it --> possibly by purchasing it'.

Stay tuned for the next instalment when all will be revealed.*





* Editor's note: LOL as if I have an Editor