THE MARRIAGE OF CADMUS AND HARMONY FOR CHILDS

Get this, imagine if you were just a Sweet Innocent Baby, nothing to read, saving up $$$ for your future so diligently but yet thinking "I wish there was some Book I could read to make time go faster until I grow up to be fucking ill".

So I took to crafting a Work for Childs, see what you think, maybe read it to a Child if you want. You might need to scream it as it's a pretty quiet Work. It's so Grecian, this Work, can you handle it?


'Hector of Ancient Greece (in Dog form)'
We found out by accident most of the things that Hector could do. I only scratched the surface of the stories and the games we used to play with Hector. There are so many things that he knew and we only saw a fraction of it.

THE MARRIAGE OF CADMUS AND HARMONY FOR CHILDS
As narrated by Well-Known Childs' Author, IOYC S Lewis or Similar

"Once in Ancient Trojia lived a weary old dude of Cadmus, he was like, 'Man it is lonesome here in Trojia, if only I could find myself a suitable Bride and also what of Platonic Ideals'. Luckily for Cadmus there also lived a pretty ill chick (HINT: Harmony) just around the corner in Crete, thinking along similar lines, only shit thing is she was imprisoned by Minotaurs. After years of not much, Cadmus straight up went to Crete and rescued Harmony from her fate, people were pumped about it but tried to keep a lid on things, so Hellenic decorous. They decided 'let's completely marry' --> sounds dope but bad news because Harmony soon died of C. Elegans Infestation. Cadmus exclaimed 'Oh for fuck's sake, fuck this off, are you Toying with me Ye Gods, what of Platonic Ideals, is everything really this shit'. The Gods straight up lightninged him for that insolence.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Probly best to just hang out and eat a Pear."

I'm aware that the language might be a bit Adult for Childs, in this Work. My theory here is that 'the bigger they are the harder they fall'. You might need to explain to your Childs about some of the concepts, especially if they have like, the biggest learning impairment ever.

THE FIRST TIME MACHINE INVENTED WILL MENTION ME

So, another year rolls around, festivities in the streets, I think perhaps it's the Year of the Themed Horse. I was having the biggest fucking Kinesiology massage ever when I decided to have my fortune explored. Luckily there was some two-for-one shit going on down the fortune exploratorium, otherwise I would have been so fucking out of pocket. Can you claim a fortune explore on Health Insurance?


'Nothing too serious -> Should clear up in a Week or so'

FUTURE PREDICTIONS
Year of Themed Horse

As foretold by the Prophecy.

"You will no doubt experience some great changes this Year in line with the planets of the Solar System. As the Moon moves into a total Vortex, you will feel like some weird shit is happening, but it's alright, just chill for a bit maybe eat a Chicken if the mood takes you. Financially, you are pretty much fucked so please hand over your Dope Watch, as if I give a fuck it is a heirloom of your Grandparent, just fucking give it to me right now, my precioouss. On the front of Romance, you'll probably marry a Sheik if you can just force yourself to do it. It won't be so bad, but there will be times where it will flat out suck shit. Be Steadfast, or at the least, be Teadfast."

I feel kind of worse now than before I knew my fate. That will teach me to play with Destiny, or will it? 1-900-DELPHI.ORG

YOU'RE NOW TUNED INTO EVIDENCE

So my finances were becoming such a mess and I decided what better way to fix it beyond repair than to hire a Forensic Accountant. The dude can only be described as a total champ, he knows fucking everything there is to know about ledgers, debits, the South Sea Bubble, plus with the nous of a detective for ferreting out the Truth, nothing but the Truth, Uh-Huh.

"THIS SOUNDS SO CLASSIC"

It's pretty good! OR SO I THOUGHT, until he set in on my voluminous records, calling up all his mates on speed-dial, shouting 'How the Fuck am I going to tackle this case, the biggest of my career, I'll be pushing paper for the rest of my life on Traffic Duty'. He totally cordoned off the area with Accounting Tape --> good luck crossing that shit without a Warrant(y).


'When Simultaneous MCs Drop That's Spontaneous'

So now I'm stuck with NO access to my financial records, I tried to liven up the mood by saying shit like 'There's no Accounting for Taste', the dude gave me a fucking Thousand Yard Stare straight up. He must have seen some fucked up shit back in Accounting School to pull one of them. Luckily I gave him a Million Yard Stare right back, like a fucking Zen Robot of Space-Time. Good one Accountant, try and fuck with this shit and we'll see who wins.

I wish I could get to my God Damn share certificates.