HANGING FOR THE CLIFFSIDE DRIP-DRY

ATTN: Readers of Poems

I made three Poems.

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Hologram Dave

In a Cave lived Hologram Dave
Pretty pixelated dude,
'Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi'
Everyone said it to him all the time
Plus like throwing shit through him or turning off his Hologram Machine
Hence his recourse to a reclusive lifestyle
What a Knob

Sneaky Steve

Sneaky Steve had two left sleeves
On his favourite knitted top
When asked why
He'd simply sigh
And say 'My Granny is fucked in the head and it's affected our whole family'

Fancy Carol

Fancy Carol and her husband Darryl were very delightful folk
Oft be found lounging around sharing a witty joke
A really Great Lady

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I'll probably drop this shit at a Recital sooner rather than later.

SEPTEMBER: THE NEW CRUELEST MONTH?

So I just upgraded the Security levels at my Dwelling. It was on advice from some really sweet Policy Mandarins I employed in the last six months. This shit sounds great, no more worries about enroachments in this volatile region, just leave cash and gems scattered around everywhere, do whatever the hell I feel like basically.

WRONG!

Things have gone too far, it is not feasible for me to enter my own house. Why the fuck did I choose an 85 digit alarm combination? Rain Man would fuck up on that shit. Plus all these massive Boobie-Traps, Laserbeams &c.

So now this is summarising my situation:

1. Stuck outside Dwelling
2. Laundry becoming a problem ('Hey dry cleaner, do you have a nude facility so I can wash MY CURRENT OUTFIT')
3. Minimal access to cash and gems, food
4. Can't say daily phrases like 'Just Going Downtown' or 'Let's Go Inside'

The worst part is the dude that installed the Security is on hols, 'Gone Fishin' or whatever taking a much needed break. Understandable I suppose he does work super hard and has a young family. But still, fuck his unprofessional approach!

If I had access to cash and gems I would pay to 'send him a little message' (eg: Postcard).





'This is why I'm hot'

20 TOP FILMS YOU MUST READ BEFORE YOU DIE

These are pretty much in order so don't bother entering into a debate, it's just my opinion (which is correct).

1. Angleman
2. Dangerous Nanny
3. Amazonians II: Eruption
4. Mister Cop
5. That Ole Razzle Dazzle
6. That Ole Razzle Dazzle II: Eruption
7. The Assembly
8. Captain Gingerbread Biscuit
9. Terrifying Knife
10. Little Davy and the Magical Chest
11. Avec Rabbits
12. Gary: Anatomy of a Crime Scene
13. Con Ligante Pour Seneca ('A Fight Before Bedtime')
14. The Corruption of Alan Pencil
15. Secret Window
16. Love Trucks
17. Al'Harai Lumai'i ('Don't Forget to Leave')
18. Secret Window II: Magical Fantasy
19. It's A Digital Christmas
20. Cheer Up, Fat!